I believe that's something from a Dr. Seuss book. But that's how I feel. I'm going places. Where? Somewhere. Here and there and everywhere. Somewhere and no where. Up there, down there, this way and that way.
Over there and over here. The road less traveled, the road paved. No road. Familiar road.
Does it matter? Not really.
Why?
Because all that matters is that I believe, in my heart, that I am on the right path for me. I may be by myself, but I'll never be alone.
Let's go...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Not Seeing the Forest for the Trees...
or something like that.
Old sayings don't stick around without reason.
Not seeing the forest for the trees - I realized very recently the magnitude of its meaning. Lately I have been so focused on a few troubled trees that I wasn't seeing the beautiful, healthy and nourishing forest around me.
Usually, when I find myself in troubled times, I retreat...withdraw from the world and dare to take on my problems single-handedly. A testament to my obscene level of stubbornness. This time, I decided to try something different. Trust. Trust that if I let my friends in to what I was feeling, that they would not betray that trust. Trust in my faith that He would help me find my way to a better place. Trust that my family would be my pillar of strength.
I was surprised by what I found.
What I found was a forest of trust and friendship. I discovered that when I surround myself with wonderful people, I do not lack for love, friendship, care or compassion. I found more than several listening ears, shoulders to lean on and smiles to comfort me. Concern and support came flowing out of the woodwork from people I barely know. I received phone calls, texts, emails all just to check up on me. I am not a very religious person and many times I question faith, spirituality, etc. But this time...this time I asked for a little help and in turn I received what I needed to lift me out of my funk.
Letting myself open up and receive my gifts - friendship, love and support - was a step I have not, until now, been able to make. So, even though I felt like I was struggling and lost; what I found was strength, friendship and confidence.
A friend recently sent me a note stating something her grandmother told her about life: Keep many friends, all kinds of friends; because you never know when you'll need them or when they'll need you.
I will most definitely hold on to that one. I am truly blessed with a forest full of goodness!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Dizzy yet??? I am!!
After the ride is over...senses are regained, emotions return to steady state and the head stops spinning. You look back...smile...and think, "yeah, I made it". It'll come soon...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A Brand New Day...
Tomorrow will be a brand new day...yes, I realize today was a brand new day, as was the day before and the day before that, etc. But tomorrow is the first day I'm not going to be sad, I'm not going to mope around and I'm not going to keep from doing things I love to do because of what may or may not happen or because of who I might encounter along the way.Why?
Because something better will always come along. My life will be better for it. I should be excited, actually. My future is waiting for me and it's time for me to get moving.
That's what I'm going to do now. I'm going to get moving. There comes a time when you have to realize that sometimes close to being happy just isn't good enough. Never give up on what you deserve and right now, I deserve to be happy!
As a good friend told me tonight...if it's right, it'll be easy. I have to remember that things always work out they way they should, maybe not the way you think they should or hope they will; but I'll be better and happier for it!
Ah, life!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Letting Go, Reaching Out and Moving On...
Today wraps up a long week. You know the kind...you can't imagine that you'll make it through Monday, much less to or through the weekend. And when you look back at that week, you can't believe it was only one week. The kind of week where you feel like you can't breathe, your swirling uncontrollably in a dark abyss and it seems impossible to sort out what you are feeling because you can't determine it's source; and every outlet you usually turn to when things are falling apart seems to also be in disarray.
First up for me, is accepting that it is time to let go. Acknowledge it for what it was - both the good and the bad of it. Easier said than done. It becomes even more difficult when I am letting go of something that was so close to being "just right".
Next up is reaching out. So many times I wall up and close down to the rest of the world when struggling through the difficult times. This time, I'm changing my strategy and leaning on my friends, hoping that my trust in them will pull me through. An added benefit - learning to trust again. Something I need to learn and will serve me well in the future.
The next step is moving on. By far the hardest for me to digest, especially when things around me are moving at their own paces. That lack of control drives me nuts!! I have to realize that I can only move at a pace that I can maintain (I'm trying to refrain from racing/training analogies, but that's almost an impossibility). It entails taking that leap of faith into a vast unknown. Some people are fortunate enough to thrive on the unknown, I am terrified. Perhaps if I were only considering leaps of faith in one area of my life I might find it exciting, but when every facet of my life is requiring a change, well...it scares the crap out of me. I know from past experiences that we always move on...change happens whether we initiate it or not and we learn, grow and find happiness in those changes.
Sometimes you end up on an entirely different path than you ever imagined and sometimes you come full circle back to where you started, but in a different way. And you will never know until you take those steps to let go, reach out and move on.
First up for me, is accepting that it is time to let go. Acknowledge it for what it was - both the good and the bad of it. Easier said than done. It becomes even more difficult when I am letting go of something that was so close to being "just right".
Next up is reaching out. So many times I wall up and close down to the rest of the world when struggling through the difficult times. This time, I'm changing my strategy and leaning on my friends, hoping that my trust in them will pull me through. An added benefit - learning to trust again. Something I need to learn and will serve me well in the future.
The next step is moving on. By far the hardest for me to digest, especially when things around me are moving at their own paces. That lack of control drives me nuts!! I have to realize that I can only move at a pace that I can maintain (I'm trying to refrain from racing/training analogies, but that's almost an impossibility). It entails taking that leap of faith into a vast unknown. Some people are fortunate enough to thrive on the unknown, I am terrified. Perhaps if I were only considering leaps of faith in one area of my life I might find it exciting, but when every facet of my life is requiring a change, well...it scares the crap out of me. I know from past experiences that we always move on...change happens whether we initiate it or not and we learn, grow and find happiness in those changes.
Sometimes you end up on an entirely different path than you ever imagined and sometimes you come full circle back to where you started, but in a different way. And you will never know until you take those steps to let go, reach out and move on.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
what do they see that I do not?
A dear friend and I were talking today about life and in particular, about the difficult week I've had (for reasons I will not elaborate on here). Much of what was discussed was normal conversation about life, love, challenges, decisions, etc. But she said something to me that resonated loudly. She said, "you will always be your toughest critic, but sometimes you have to stop and see what the rest of us see."
The more I think about it, the more it brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat. Because I wish I could see what she was referring to with that statement. I feel almost like a fraud, I mean come on! I "know" who I really am, right? And if I "know" who I am, then what they must see must be fake, right? It can't possibly be real...because if they saw the real me they would see all the vulnerability, the insecurity and the fright locked inside, right?
Or am I choosing to look only through my coal-colored glasses?
Maybe I'm not seeing the real me? Perhaps I am cheating myself out of the joy of being me? What am I missing out on?
Can I allow myself to take another long look in that mirror? Take a chance that I might actually like what I see past the fleeting youthful exterior?
Mirror, mirror...
A dear friend and I were talking today about life and in particular, about the difficult week I've had (for reasons I will not elaborate on here). Much of what was discussed was normal conversation about life, love, challenges, decisions, etc. But she said something to me that resonated loudly. She said, "you will always be your toughest critic, but sometimes you have to stop and see what the rest of us see."
The more I think about it, the more it brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat. Because I wish I could see what she was referring to with that statement. I feel almost like a fraud, I mean come on! I "know" who I really am, right? And if I "know" who I am, then what they must see must be fake, right? It can't possibly be real...because if they saw the real me they would see all the vulnerability, the insecurity and the fright locked inside, right?
Or am I choosing to look only through my coal-colored glasses?
Maybe I'm not seeing the real me? Perhaps I am cheating myself out of the joy of being me? What am I missing out on?
Can I allow myself to take another long look in that mirror? Take a chance that I might actually like what I see past the fleeting youthful exterior?
Mirror, mirror...
FEAR...
F.E.A.R.
Fight - the temptation to succumb
Empower - yourself to face your fears
Admit - that you are fearful
Restore - your confidence that you can overcome
Three times this week the word "fear" has been used in conversation regarding me. Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a fearful person.
What is "fear" to me?
Fear is controlling.
Fear is a demon.
What am I "fearful" of?
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of disappointing.
Fear of being lonely.
Fear of discovering I'm no different than everyone else.
Fear of discovering I'm different than everyone else.
I have been fighting fear my entire life and only now am I beginning to empower myself against the demons which have controlled me for so long. I can now admit that it has had a power over me unlike anything else in my life. I am trying very hard to restore my confidence in my being.
In a discussion earlier this week, I admitted that for several years (and even still, sometimes) I had a terrible fear of the water. I never learned to swim well growing up and so, as an adult, I was fearful of the water, especially open water. I would get to the race and walk off to the side and become sick with fear. I would cry. But every time I made myself get into the water. Then, through the tears and the fear, I would swim until I once again touched shore.
Though I have always battled fear...I have many times faced it head on. I've just never been able to give myself credit for those times I've been able to go toe-to-toe with it.
Is this something new to me? No, not really. But the way in which I am now looking at it is, in fact, very new.
I am facing fear. now. alone.
True, I have a tremendous network of support in my family and friends, but they cannot walk the long self-torturous path for me...I must walk it alone.
Perhaps if I begin to look at "fear" as a "fight" to "empower" myself; to "admit" I am afraid yet seek out ways to "restore" my confidence, I will begin to win over this crippling demon.
Fight - the temptation to succumb
Empower - yourself to face your fears
Admit - that you are fearful
Restore - your confidence that you can overcome
Three times this week the word "fear" has been used in conversation regarding me. Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a fearful person.
What is "fear" to me?
Fear is controlling.
Fear is a demon.
What am I "fearful" of?
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of disappointing.
Fear of being lonely.
Fear of discovering I'm no different than everyone else.
Fear of discovering I'm different than everyone else.
I have been fighting fear my entire life and only now am I beginning to empower myself against the demons which have controlled me for so long. I can now admit that it has had a power over me unlike anything else in my life. I am trying very hard to restore my confidence in my being.
In a discussion earlier this week, I admitted that for several years (and even still, sometimes) I had a terrible fear of the water. I never learned to swim well growing up and so, as an adult, I was fearful of the water, especially open water. I would get to the race and walk off to the side and become sick with fear. I would cry. But every time I made myself get into the water. Then, through the tears and the fear, I would swim until I once again touched shore.
Though I have always battled fear...I have many times faced it head on. I've just never been able to give myself credit for those times I've been able to go toe-to-toe with it.
Is this something new to me? No, not really. But the way in which I am now looking at it is, in fact, very new.
I am facing fear. now. alone.
True, I have a tremendous network of support in my family and friends, but they cannot walk the long self-torturous path for me...I must walk it alone.
Perhaps if I begin to look at "fear" as a "fight" to "empower" myself; to "admit" I am afraid yet seek out ways to "restore" my confidence, I will begin to win over this crippling demon.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Passion and Belief...
What is your passion?
Are you following your passion?
How far do you want to follow it?
As a hobby? A profession?
How far are you willing to go?
How far are you willing to fall for it?
Do you believe enough in yourself to do what it takes?
Are you following your passion?
How far do you want to follow it?
As a hobby? A profession?
How far are you willing to go?
How far are you willing to fall for it?
Do you believe enough in yourself to do what it takes?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Race Report
I've been avoiding writing a race report because of my mixed feelings regarding the race. Yes, I missed my goal time by an hour...exactly. Yes, I PR'd the course by 40 minutes. Yes, I should be very happy I finished (some didn't)...I should be happy that I did better than last year, especially given the race conditions...I get it.
But when you set out to do something and fail in achieving it...you feel like crap.
This is part of the post-Ironman depression that affects some athletes...I know it will pass and I will refocus very soon on Vineman and attempting to qualifying for Boston at Marine Corps Marathon.
Here is the report:
I arrived in Coeur d'Alene on Wednesday and welcomed the cool weather and even the rain. I just kept thinking, "let it rain now...let it rain all it wants...now". I woke early the next day and prepared myself for my first practice swim. The wind was gusty and the water was rough. I pulled on my wetsuit, marched straight over to the start and straight into the water. The water temp was very brisk, but certainly warmer than last year. I took my first couple of strokes and realized just how rough the water really was that morning. Suddenly, I had to make a decision: 1. freak out or 2. make it fun. I went with option 2. I decided that the rolling and pounding of the water was like an amusement park ride...and I like amusement parks. So I took my time and got acquainted with the water...even laughed during the swim because I was getting bounced around like a toy!
I did all of my race "chores" on Thursday - IM store to buy more stuff I don't need; registration to be "official" and TriBikeTransport to get my bike and bag. Most of the team and my room mate also arrived on Thursday; it was good to have everyone there (but I was glad to have had a day to myself). That evening was the official "team dinner" and group pictures. I could sense the energy beginning to build.
Friday morning was another swim practice (not so choppy), this time I swam an entire 1.2 mile loop...just to get my head in the right place...I felt good, very good. I spent the rest of the day with my team mates and trying to stay off my feet. Some of us enjoyed a nice Italian dinner, including Sandra who flew in from Denver (one of my original Ironfans).
Saturday morning I passed up the swim as I wanted to go into the race with the good feelings from the day before. I opted for a short run with Charles instead. I felt like I could run all day! The legs felt fresh and ready! Next up was a short bike ride which also felt good. My legs were ready to GO! After a nap (and allergies that nearly took me out of the game) and dinner with the Riverbend Inn Peeps, it was time to get some rest. Final preparations were made and then it was lights out.
RACE DAY!!!
I woke early and ready. I checked my list and made sure I had everything I needed, then we were off. Final check of transition bags and loading of the bike with my nutrition and it was time for a "pit stop" and into the wetsuit. Sandra and Brian were with me; and thank goodness because I couldn't find any of my team mates. I started to stress out as the pros were already on their first lap and I hadn't gotten into my wetsuit yet. I knew I still had time, but I could feel the anxiety creeping into my head and my heart rate began to elevate. I ran into Jesse and it made me feel better because I could tell she was very nervous (it was her first IM) and I felt I needed to be calm so as to not freak her out. I gave Sandra my bag and off I went to the water.
As I stood at the start, I did find some of my mates and that made me feel a bit better. I watched the whitecaps in the water and knew it was going to be a challenge. Again, I had my ear plugs in and didn't hear the countdown...all of a sudden, it was into the churning water we went!
I could feel my heart rate again increasing and I knew I needed to just slow down, focus and concentrate on stroke after stroke and keeping my head together...it's just an amusement park ride, remember? Ok, so an amusement park ride that hits, kicks, pushes, pulls, etc.!! After the first loop I looked at my watch and thought, "cool, right on...now I'll put some more effort". I exited the water and the volunteer shouts, "Great job, 1:27"...WHAT?!?!?
WTF??? That was +10 minutes longer than I had expected. I flipped out! I grabbed my T1 bag and rushed into the tent in tears. TEARS!!! A volunteer was helping me with my things and all the while I kept saying, "what happened? why?" Karen was in the tent as well and I'm not sure what she said, but something about how I needed to pull myself together and get going. Thank you, Karen. But I couldn't stop crying and as I exited the tent to my bike, I ran into Logan who saw me in distress and told me to put it away, put the emotions away. But when I didn't stop crying he said, "Michelle, pull your head out of your ass...we got a long way to go". I got my bike and went on my way. Thanks, Logan.
I had to keep telling myself that I needed to chill and relax because I had at least 6 hours to go on the bike. The first loop went ok. I made up some ground and could tell I wasn't too terribly far behind Joe and James and that made me feel pretty good. The entire ride had me seeing T3 peeps and it kind of felt like a really fast training ride with so many familiar faces. I settled into the windy ride and made sure to keep my nutrition flowing. The cooler temps made me take in more than I had planned. The second loop saw an increase in clouds and wind and a drop in temp...again more nutrition. The legs were starting to feel the effects of the hills and wind, but at least I wasn't walking my bike like some men were...I felt pretty good about that. What I didn't feel good about were the stomach cramps I began to have and the three "pit stops" I had to make. I knew I wasn't going to make my bike goal time, but I kind of knew my race was over...no way I was going to make up 40 minutes on the run.
Off the bike and onto the run. I ditched the cycling jersey but kept the arm warmers...best move all day (that and buying cycling gloves the day before). I headed out and after a couple of miles saw Esther on a corner and as she cheered me on all I could say was, "I want to quit". I heard myself say that and I realized I was heading down a familiar path...NO WAY! I backed off my pace just a bit and took in some more calories...I was NOT going to succumb to the negativity and self-dout that has plagued me for so long. I decided I was just going to keep running. Then it started to rain. All along I crossed paths with many team mates...some ahead, some I passed, some I no longer saw on the course. I knew my goal time was no longer an option, but I knew I just had to keep moving. I was getting colder by the minute. But I kept thinking that as long as I kept running, I would create heat...had to keep running. Heading back into town for my second loop, having my friends and team mates scattered on the course was incredible. I needed to remind myself how much they had given to me along the way and on that day...and how I needed to show them my appreciation. I'm not much of a waver or smiler when I run...but I tried! I really tried!!
Miles 19-22 were the hardest as my IT band decided to lock up my knee and I had to do the ol' walk/run/hobble combo. At mile 22 I stopped and looked up at the sky and said, "God, I really appreciate you helping me get this far, but how about a few more miles?" Yes, I had the "come to Jesus" talk...
Then I decided that I had only 4 more miles...4 more long miles, but I needed to get done. I needed to run. Suddenly, I started to feel good again. I was RUNNING...not fast, but I felt fast(er). As I wound my way back through the neighborhoods, I felt for those who were going out for their second loop and also for those who were coming in with me on their first loop. Running past the last few aid stations, I began to yell out thanks to all the volunteers and I felt a surge of energy. I was going to finish with a sub-5 hour marathon, something that had eluded me in each of the previous three ironman races.
When I made the final turn onto Sherman for my last 7 blocks, I felt the elation that comes with seeing the finish line. I was taken by surprise by the mass of team mates who had gathered on a corner and were screaming and cheering at the top of their lungs! I felt like a rock star! I smiled and waved at everyone I knew...and everyone I didn't know who yelled out my name! I'm pretty sure that the last 4-5 blocks I ran with my arms in the air and the stupidest smile ever - and I didn't care! The fans who were still out there...bundled and soaked...were amazing! They made you feel like you had just won the whole damn thing!
So, not an IM PR, not a day of met goals; but a day of mental perserverance and a course PR. I'll take it.
Aside from missing my goal time, the only other thing I regret is not going back to see those who came in after the 14 hour mark. I was just too cold...but I did stay up until midnight, online checking for everyone who finished.
Many, many thanks to all my friends, team mates, coaches and family for all the support. What a special, special day!
But when you set out to do something and fail in achieving it...you feel like crap.
This is part of the post-Ironman depression that affects some athletes...I know it will pass and I will refocus very soon on Vineman and attempting to qualifying for Boston at Marine Corps Marathon.
Here is the report:
I arrived in Coeur d'Alene on Wednesday and welcomed the cool weather and even the rain. I just kept thinking, "let it rain now...let it rain all it wants...now". I woke early the next day and prepared myself for my first practice swim. The wind was gusty and the water was rough. I pulled on my wetsuit, marched straight over to the start and straight into the water. The water temp was very brisk, but certainly warmer than last year. I took my first couple of strokes and realized just how rough the water really was that morning. Suddenly, I had to make a decision: 1. freak out or 2. make it fun. I went with option 2. I decided that the rolling and pounding of the water was like an amusement park ride...and I like amusement parks. So I took my time and got acquainted with the water...even laughed during the swim because I was getting bounced around like a toy!
I did all of my race "chores" on Thursday - IM store to buy more stuff I don't need; registration to be "official" and TriBikeTransport to get my bike and bag. Most of the team and my room mate also arrived on Thursday; it was good to have everyone there (but I was glad to have had a day to myself). That evening was the official "team dinner" and group pictures. I could sense the energy beginning to build.
Friday morning was another swim practice (not so choppy), this time I swam an entire 1.2 mile loop...just to get my head in the right place...I felt good, very good. I spent the rest of the day with my team mates and trying to stay off my feet. Some of us enjoyed a nice Italian dinner, including Sandra who flew in from Denver (one of my original Ironfans).
Saturday morning I passed up the swim as I wanted to go into the race with the good feelings from the day before. I opted for a short run with Charles instead. I felt like I could run all day! The legs felt fresh and ready! Next up was a short bike ride which also felt good. My legs were ready to GO! After a nap (and allergies that nearly took me out of the game) and dinner with the Riverbend Inn Peeps, it was time to get some rest. Final preparations were made and then it was lights out.
RACE DAY!!!
I woke early and ready. I checked my list and made sure I had everything I needed, then we were off. Final check of transition bags and loading of the bike with my nutrition and it was time for a "pit stop" and into the wetsuit. Sandra and Brian were with me; and thank goodness because I couldn't find any of my team mates. I started to stress out as the pros were already on their first lap and I hadn't gotten into my wetsuit yet. I knew I still had time, but I could feel the anxiety creeping into my head and my heart rate began to elevate. I ran into Jesse and it made me feel better because I could tell she was very nervous (it was her first IM) and I felt I needed to be calm so as to not freak her out. I gave Sandra my bag and off I went to the water.
As I stood at the start, I did find some of my mates and that made me feel a bit better. I watched the whitecaps in the water and knew it was going to be a challenge. Again, I had my ear plugs in and didn't hear the countdown...all of a sudden, it was into the churning water we went!
I could feel my heart rate again increasing and I knew I needed to just slow down, focus and concentrate on stroke after stroke and keeping my head together...it's just an amusement park ride, remember? Ok, so an amusement park ride that hits, kicks, pushes, pulls, etc.!! After the first loop I looked at my watch and thought, "cool, right on...now I'll put some more effort". I exited the water and the volunteer shouts, "Great job, 1:27"...WHAT?!?!?
WTF??? That was +10 minutes longer than I had expected. I flipped out! I grabbed my T1 bag and rushed into the tent in tears. TEARS!!! A volunteer was helping me with my things and all the while I kept saying, "what happened? why?" Karen was in the tent as well and I'm not sure what she said, but something about how I needed to pull myself together and get going. Thank you, Karen. But I couldn't stop crying and as I exited the tent to my bike, I ran into Logan who saw me in distress and told me to put it away, put the emotions away. But when I didn't stop crying he said, "Michelle, pull your head out of your ass...we got a long way to go". I got my bike and went on my way. Thanks, Logan.
I had to keep telling myself that I needed to chill and relax because I had at least 6 hours to go on the bike. The first loop went ok. I made up some ground and could tell I wasn't too terribly far behind Joe and James and that made me feel pretty good. The entire ride had me seeing T3 peeps and it kind of felt like a really fast training ride with so many familiar faces. I settled into the windy ride and made sure to keep my nutrition flowing. The cooler temps made me take in more than I had planned. The second loop saw an increase in clouds and wind and a drop in temp...again more nutrition. The legs were starting to feel the effects of the hills and wind, but at least I wasn't walking my bike like some men were...I felt pretty good about that. What I didn't feel good about were the stomach cramps I began to have and the three "pit stops" I had to make. I knew I wasn't going to make my bike goal time, but I kind of knew my race was over...no way I was going to make up 40 minutes on the run.
Off the bike and onto the run. I ditched the cycling jersey but kept the arm warmers...best move all day (that and buying cycling gloves the day before). I headed out and after a couple of miles saw Esther on a corner and as she cheered me on all I could say was, "I want to quit". I heard myself say that and I realized I was heading down a familiar path...NO WAY! I backed off my pace just a bit and took in some more calories...I was NOT going to succumb to the negativity and self-dout that has plagued me for so long. I decided I was just going to keep running. Then it started to rain. All along I crossed paths with many team mates...some ahead, some I passed, some I no longer saw on the course. I knew my goal time was no longer an option, but I knew I just had to keep moving. I was getting colder by the minute. But I kept thinking that as long as I kept running, I would create heat...had to keep running. Heading back into town for my second loop, having my friends and team mates scattered on the course was incredible. I needed to remind myself how much they had given to me along the way and on that day...and how I needed to show them my appreciation. I'm not much of a waver or smiler when I run...but I tried! I really tried!!
Miles 19-22 were the hardest as my IT band decided to lock up my knee and I had to do the ol' walk/run/hobble combo. At mile 22 I stopped and looked up at the sky and said, "God, I really appreciate you helping me get this far, but how about a few more miles?" Yes, I had the "come to Jesus" talk...
Then I decided that I had only 4 more miles...4 more long miles, but I needed to get done. I needed to run. Suddenly, I started to feel good again. I was RUNNING...not fast, but I felt fast(er). As I wound my way back through the neighborhoods, I felt for those who were going out for their second loop and also for those who were coming in with me on their first loop. Running past the last few aid stations, I began to yell out thanks to all the volunteers and I felt a surge of energy. I was going to finish with a sub-5 hour marathon, something that had eluded me in each of the previous three ironman races.
When I made the final turn onto Sherman for my last 7 blocks, I felt the elation that comes with seeing the finish line. I was taken by surprise by the mass of team mates who had gathered on a corner and were screaming and cheering at the top of their lungs! I felt like a rock star! I smiled and waved at everyone I knew...and everyone I didn't know who yelled out my name! I'm pretty sure that the last 4-5 blocks I ran with my arms in the air and the stupidest smile ever - and I didn't care! The fans who were still out there...bundled and soaked...were amazing! They made you feel like you had just won the whole damn thing!
So, not an IM PR, not a day of met goals; but a day of mental perserverance and a course PR. I'll take it.
Aside from missing my goal time, the only other thing I regret is not going back to see those who came in after the 14 hour mark. I was just too cold...but I did stay up until midnight, online checking for everyone who finished.
Many, many thanks to all my friends, team mates, coaches and family for all the support. What a special, special day!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
How Can I Thank Thee, Let Me Count the Ways...
Tomorrow I embark on yet another Ironman challenge. The same distance...but never the same race. Each is so very different in how it unfolds and the individual challenges each brings. No telling what obstacles I will have to overcome to successfully complete the course, but I am excited to find out.
I am more excited than I have been - ever. And more calm - yes, I said calm. I didn't say completely calm, just more calm. Anyone who knows me knows I get pretty nervous, anxious and wallow in self-doubt...but not so much this time. Far more confident this time and my nervousness and anxieties are more constructive than in previous events.
Anyhow, the main reason for this post is to say, "THANK YOU" to all the people who have helped me get here, and in no particular order:
dadkatysophiebellafamilysandraesthercharlesamychrissie
elizabethblythejoemattmauricejackzanejamesmichellelogan
jameserynrafaelcarriedanbilljohnjimlaurafredsuzanneart
michaelbeauxjenterrajamesmichelleerint3teammates
...and many, many others.
Each of you have helped me in your own way to achieve goals I never had thought possible. From letting me hang on to your wheels to pushing me during those long runs to picking me up off the ground when I felt I couldn't go on any more. From getting me into a wonderful bike to making sure it fit me well; to the long conversations and emails about training and racing and life - I cannot thank each of you enough.
And a special "thank you" to team mate, Erin Krielow Lahr - although you are no longer here with us physically, you are in our hearts and minds and you will cross the finish line with me tomorrow.
THANK YOU!
I am more excited than I have been - ever. And more calm - yes, I said calm. I didn't say completely calm, just more calm. Anyone who knows me knows I get pretty nervous, anxious and wallow in self-doubt...but not so much this time. Far more confident this time and my nervousness and anxieties are more constructive than in previous events.
Anyhow, the main reason for this post is to say, "THANK YOU" to all the people who have helped me get here, and in no particular order:
dadkatysophiebellafamilysandraesthercharlesamychrissie
elizabethblythejoemattmauricejackzanejamesmichellelogan
jameserynrafaelcarriedanbilljohnjimlaurafredsuzanneart
michaelbeauxjenterrajamesmichelleerint3teammates
...and many, many others.
Each of you have helped me in your own way to achieve goals I never had thought possible. From letting me hang on to your wheels to pushing me during those long runs to picking me up off the ground when I felt I couldn't go on any more. From getting me into a wonderful bike to making sure it fit me well; to the long conversations and emails about training and racing and life - I cannot thank each of you enough.
And a special "thank you" to team mate, Erin Krielow Lahr - although you are no longer here with us physically, you are in our hearts and minds and you will cross the finish line with me tomorrow.
THANK YOU!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Eat, Pee and Smile...
That's all I've done this week and that's all I plan to do on Sunday! Eat early and often...pee (oh, if only I could pee on my bike!) and smile!
Must remember to SMILE!!
Must remember to SMILE!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Anything Can Happen...
...if you just keep at it! I found my official race results from my very first triathlon ever:
Danskin 2000
Michelle Lapuente F25-29
Swim: 32:28 (4:02)
T1: 4:37
Bike: 54:58 (13.10)
T2: 4:02
Run: 36:35 (11:48)
Total: 2:12.40
Not bad considering I almost never made it out of the water! My how things can change with a little training!!
Danskin 2000
Michelle Lapuente F25-29
Swim: 32:28 (4:02)
T1: 4:37
Bike: 54:58 (13.10)
T2: 4:02
Run: 36:35 (11:48)
Total: 2:12.40
Not bad considering I almost never made it out of the water! My how things can change with a little training!!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
My 10 Year Love Affair...
I have Carrie to thank for making me realize something very special is happening this weekend. She is celebrating her 7th year of triathlon and I am celebrating my 10th.
Ironically enough, I volunteered to be a Swim Angel at this weekend's Danskin Triathlon. My very first triathlon ever and I am giving back to the one race and the one portion of the event that has always been very special to me. Without the Danskin I would never have become a triathlete...without the Swim Angels I never would have finished the race.
I owe so much to this event.
For four years I participated in the Danskin...that was my one event of the season...of the year. Every February I would think about signing up and by March I would start "training". I trained alone, it was just something I did every year. Sometimes I would do another sprint race later in the summer, but I never trained during the winter. I took the term "off seaon" at face value.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would still be involved in the sport, much less to the extent that I am - about to participate in my 4th Ironman race and Volunteer Coordinator for a race series, Texas Tri Series. I never would have thought that I would be more fit at 37 than at 27. I never thought that I would say that a 7 mile run was a "short run"...that I would ever swim 100 meters in anything less than 2:15...that I would ever consider a 20 mile bike ride to be a "warm up". My how things have changed!!
I'm still not a great swimmer, but I have gone from back of the pack (of the two waves behind me) to a mid-pack (mid of my pack) swimmer. I've gotten stronger on the bike - enough to be able to "hold my own"...and I'm not a fast runner, but I have taken home some hardware; so I know I'm improving.
The challenges of the sport have driven me in ways I never would have imagined. It has been with me through the good and the bad; even those dark years I didn't race, it was there...letting me know it would always be there. It has given me the strength and confidence to make some tough decisions and has served as an outlet for me to vent and cry and laugh and love. It has allowed me to see others who have faced greater obstacles than I have to be there and has made me grateful for the privilage to race and humbled by their perserverance.
Triathlon has given me the opportunity to meet wonderful people and make life-long friends. I have also had the pleasure of introducing others to the sport and watching their talents blossom. Sharing the joys and benefits of the sport brings it full circle.
So "Thank You", Danskin...thank you for changing my life. The road I was on was dark and far from healthy. Thank you for bringing light into my world.
Ironically enough, I volunteered to be a Swim Angel at this weekend's Danskin Triathlon. My very first triathlon ever and I am giving back to the one race and the one portion of the event that has always been very special to me. Without the Danskin I would never have become a triathlete...without the Swim Angels I never would have finished the race.
I owe so much to this event.
For four years I participated in the Danskin...that was my one event of the season...of the year. Every February I would think about signing up and by March I would start "training". I trained alone, it was just something I did every year. Sometimes I would do another sprint race later in the summer, but I never trained during the winter. I took the term "off seaon" at face value.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would still be involved in the sport, much less to the extent that I am - about to participate in my 4th Ironman race and Volunteer Coordinator for a race series, Texas Tri Series. I never would have thought that I would be more fit at 37 than at 27. I never thought that I would say that a 7 mile run was a "short run"...that I would ever swim 100 meters in anything less than 2:15...that I would ever consider a 20 mile bike ride to be a "warm up". My how things have changed!!
I'm still not a great swimmer, but I have gone from back of the pack (of the two waves behind me) to a mid-pack (mid of my pack) swimmer. I've gotten stronger on the bike - enough to be able to "hold my own"...and I'm not a fast runner, but I have taken home some hardware; so I know I'm improving.
The challenges of the sport have driven me in ways I never would have imagined. It has been with me through the good and the bad; even those dark years I didn't race, it was there...letting me know it would always be there. It has given me the strength and confidence to make some tough decisions and has served as an outlet for me to vent and cry and laugh and love. It has allowed me to see others who have faced greater obstacles than I have to be there and has made me grateful for the privilage to race and humbled by their perserverance.
Triathlon has given me the opportunity to meet wonderful people and make life-long friends. I have also had the pleasure of introducing others to the sport and watching their talents blossom. Sharing the joys and benefits of the sport brings it full circle.
So "Thank You", Danskin...thank you for changing my life. The road I was on was dark and far from healthy. Thank you for bringing light into my world.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Michelle: 2, Demons: 0
Sometimes you're so entrenched in the battle you fail to see the progresses you make along the way. Certainly, the clouds of dust may be unsettled and clouding your vision; but every once in a while you're able to see just a little bit more clearly.
This war against the demons of past and present is ongoing and clearly not nearing an end, but it has changed. They no longer have the upper hand, no longer are calling the shots or keeping me from believing in myself. They are no longer suppressing my desires to seek out what I want and what I feel I deserve.
I realize that the belief in "fate" is debatable...sometimes even within my own head. But if there ever existed such a thing as "fate"...it existed on two separate occasions last week. Fate brought two people back from my past, only for a moment, but a moment long enough for me to realize that I was no longer that person from my past. That I no longer had to follow those same paths...I am charting new paths...with new adventures and new rules...my rules.
Becoming comfortable with letting go of the past is part of this battle...I will always have the scars, but their existence merely serves the purpose of reminding me how far I've come.
This war against the demons of past and present is ongoing and clearly not nearing an end, but it has changed. They no longer have the upper hand, no longer are calling the shots or keeping me from believing in myself. They are no longer suppressing my desires to seek out what I want and what I feel I deserve.
I realize that the belief in "fate" is debatable...sometimes even within my own head. But if there ever existed such a thing as "fate"...it existed on two separate occasions last week. Fate brought two people back from my past, only for a moment, but a moment long enough for me to realize that I was no longer that person from my past. That I no longer had to follow those same paths...I am charting new paths...with new adventures and new rules...my rules.
Becoming comfortable with letting go of the past is part of this battle...I will always have the scars, but their existence merely serves the purpose of reminding me how far I've come.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The Terrible Taper or The Terrific Taper???
Oh the TAPER!!
Well, it's taper time and with that comes the rollercoaster of emotions.
But does it have to be that way?
Why can't it just be rest and focus on what we know we can do? Why can't it just be "chill"? It's not like I haven't done this before. It's not like I don't know to expect the unexpected. Or that I don't know that all I can do is eat well, rest and then get up and go for a swim, bike, run.
Why can't it just be focusing on having fun? Am I going to win? No. Am I going to win my age group? No. Am I going to go out and do whatever I can do? Yes. Am I going to focus on keeping my head in the game? Yes.
Then I suppose there's no reason to freak out. My friends will be there to race and to cheer. They will help lift me up when times get gloomy. And when times get gloomy, I know they will pass...they WILL PASS!!
And then, barring any craziness, I will make the final turn and float down the home stretch (in the daylight, I hope) into the arms of my friends and team mates...then I will return the favor and welcome in the rest of the team and all other Ironman Finishers.
It's going to be an exciting day!
Well, it's taper time and with that comes the rollercoaster of emotions.
But does it have to be that way?
Why can't it just be rest and focus on what we know we can do? Why can't it just be "chill"? It's not like I haven't done this before. It's not like I don't know to expect the unexpected. Or that I don't know that all I can do is eat well, rest and then get up and go for a swim, bike, run.
Why can't it just be focusing on having fun? Am I going to win? No. Am I going to win my age group? No. Am I going to go out and do whatever I can do? Yes. Am I going to focus on keeping my head in the game? Yes.
Then I suppose there's no reason to freak out. My friends will be there to race and to cheer. They will help lift me up when times get gloomy. And when times get gloomy, I know they will pass...they WILL PASS!!
And then, barring any craziness, I will make the final turn and float down the home stretch (in the daylight, I hope) into the arms of my friends and team mates...then I will return the favor and welcome in the rest of the team and all other Ironman Finishers.
It's going to be an exciting day!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
If you find my Movtivation, please tell it to come back!!
WTF??? Where is my motivation? I'm 3 weeks from race day and it decided to go on vacation this week...the last solid week of training before taper!
Tuesday, I swam for 10 minutes...too much stuff jumbled in my head to focus. But I managed to pull it together for the evening workout. Wednesday went fine. Thursday, again swimming was a challenge but instead of getting out of the pool, I jumped into an empty lane and just swam...better than nothing! Evening spin was tough...got out of work late, really wanted to just sit outside with a glass of wine, but I stuck it through and actually ended up getting a good workout in, after all!
Yesterday I was trying to decide if I wanted to go out to the Real Ale Ride or stay in town. I hadn't made any plans to carpool with anyone so I was still up in the air about it. I decided that I would just stay in town. But by the evening, I decided that I'd be better off (and more apt to actually ride) if I drove out to do the ride. Plus, some of my good friends were going to be there, too.
But much like the rest of the week has been, I had no motivation this morning to ride 80 miles. I was so unmotivated that I didn't pre-hydrate or eat a good breakfast like I should have. I just didn't care anymore. It was a nice drive out and the sunrise was perfect...still, no motivation. I pulled into the parking lot and could tell that my attitude was not concealed well at all!
I didn't want to talk to anyone...look at anyone...just wanted to be invisible!! Didn't work, argh! I openly admitted that I had no motivation or desire to ride...Chrissie smacked me on the hand and basically told me to get over it; I hate when she's right!! Anyhow, I appreciate my team mates putting up with my grumpiness.
We started the ride in the usual charity ride chaos and went out like we were on fire! Oh man, I was going to be in trouble! My usual riding crew took off early and I was riding in a group that was just too fast for me. I lasted a few miles and then proceded to get dropped.
So I kept riding.
Then I came face to face with comitment - head to the shorter loops or commit to the 65/80 route
I commited to 65
alone.
I continued to ride as hard as I could. I just wanted to get done. I passed rest stops. I waited for no one. I caught up to no one. I rode alone.
After one particularly long climb, I came to a rest stop to refill my water bottles and found Miah changing a flat. He moved me on, but not before telling me that we were on the 65 mile route.
The Big Man upstairs knew I needed a break. I never saw the turn for the 80 mile route. I never had to make that decision.
I continued to ride hard. I had no idea how far I had gone or how fast. I was wearing my Garmin but realized after oh, maybe 30 miles, that I had forgotten to turn it on! Clearly, I wasn't in my head at the start!
I had many conversations with myself on this ride. Here are some of the conclusions:
1. "wow! Today's a perfect day to ride - perfect weather, great friends"
2. "Wow! This route is beautiful...and HILLY!!"
3. "Stop being silly, I am going to finish CDA"
4. "Remember, I am going to have FUN at CDA"
5. "Eeeck, is that snake dead?? I hope so!"
6. "Hey self, remember that I have done this race before!"
6. "I am going to have a lot of support out there"
7. "Remember not to wear THESE shorts to CDA...ouch!!"
8. " Remember, I need to stay positive and focused!"
8. "I do well once I get going, I just need to remember that at the beginning"
9. "Uh oh, need to eat more calories"
10. " I'm really ready to get off my bike, but I'm feeling pretty good!"
11. "Hmm...stranger told me I ride well, solid...that's nice" (no, he wasn't hitting on me either...was telling me about his 9 month old twins!)
12. "WHAT IS THAT SMELL???"
13. "Wow, it's really getting hot out here!"
14. "Glad to be finished!!"
I finished the 65 (or so) miles in 3.5 hours...pretty solid for a solo ride (at least for me). I was pleased that despite my lackluster start and solo ride, I still managed to put in a solid effort...just think what I can do when my head's in the right place???
Got 3 weeks to get it right!
p.s. I may have found a bit of my motivation on that ride today. I think maybe riding solo and working things out on my own may have been what I needed...we'll find out!
Tuesday, I swam for 10 minutes...too much stuff jumbled in my head to focus. But I managed to pull it together for the evening workout. Wednesday went fine. Thursday, again swimming was a challenge but instead of getting out of the pool, I jumped into an empty lane and just swam...better than nothing! Evening spin was tough...got out of work late, really wanted to just sit outside with a glass of wine, but I stuck it through and actually ended up getting a good workout in, after all!
Yesterday I was trying to decide if I wanted to go out to the Real Ale Ride or stay in town. I hadn't made any plans to carpool with anyone so I was still up in the air about it. I decided that I would just stay in town. But by the evening, I decided that I'd be better off (and more apt to actually ride) if I drove out to do the ride. Plus, some of my good friends were going to be there, too.
But much like the rest of the week has been, I had no motivation this morning to ride 80 miles. I was so unmotivated that I didn't pre-hydrate or eat a good breakfast like I should have. I just didn't care anymore. It was a nice drive out and the sunrise was perfect...still, no motivation. I pulled into the parking lot and could tell that my attitude was not concealed well at all!
I didn't want to talk to anyone...look at anyone...just wanted to be invisible!! Didn't work, argh! I openly admitted that I had no motivation or desire to ride...Chrissie smacked me on the hand and basically told me to get over it; I hate when she's right!! Anyhow, I appreciate my team mates putting up with my grumpiness.
We started the ride in the usual charity ride chaos and went out like we were on fire! Oh man, I was going to be in trouble! My usual riding crew took off early and I was riding in a group that was just too fast for me. I lasted a few miles and then proceded to get dropped.
So I kept riding.
Then I came face to face with comitment - head to the shorter loops or commit to the 65/80 route
I commited to 65
alone.
I continued to ride as hard as I could. I just wanted to get done. I passed rest stops. I waited for no one. I caught up to no one. I rode alone.
After one particularly long climb, I came to a rest stop to refill my water bottles and found Miah changing a flat. He moved me on, but not before telling me that we were on the 65 mile route.
The Big Man upstairs knew I needed a break. I never saw the turn for the 80 mile route. I never had to make that decision.
I continued to ride hard. I had no idea how far I had gone or how fast. I was wearing my Garmin but realized after oh, maybe 30 miles, that I had forgotten to turn it on! Clearly, I wasn't in my head at the start!
I had many conversations with myself on this ride. Here are some of the conclusions:
1. "wow! Today's a perfect day to ride - perfect weather, great friends"
2. "Wow! This route is beautiful...and HILLY!!"
3. "Stop being silly, I am going to finish CDA"
4. "Remember, I am going to have FUN at CDA"
5. "Eeeck, is that snake dead?? I hope so!"
6. "Hey self, remember that I have done this race before!"
6. "I am going to have a lot of support out there"
7. "Remember not to wear THESE shorts to CDA...ouch!!"
8. " Remember, I need to stay positive and focused!"
8. "I do well once I get going, I just need to remember that at the beginning"
9. "Uh oh, need to eat more calories"
10. " I'm really ready to get off my bike, but I'm feeling pretty good!"
11. "Hmm...stranger told me I ride well, solid...that's nice" (no, he wasn't hitting on me either...was telling me about his 9 month old twins!)
12. "WHAT IS THAT SMELL???"
13. "Wow, it's really getting hot out here!"
14. "Glad to be finished!!"
I finished the 65 (or so) miles in 3.5 hours...pretty solid for a solo ride (at least for me). I was pleased that despite my lackluster start and solo ride, I still managed to put in a solid effort...just think what I can do when my head's in the right place???
Got 3 weeks to get it right!
p.s. I may have found a bit of my motivation on that ride today. I think maybe riding solo and working things out on my own may have been what I needed...we'll find out!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Scooped Up
Thank God for girlfriends!
Over the past couple of weeks they have swooped in and scooped me up! I realize that so often I have the "I can do it myself" mentality and it's not always the healthiest in these situations as I end up spending my time very much alone and feeling friendless.
WHICH IS MY OWN DOING...YES, I KNOW!!
Anyway, it's been such a relief to have so many amazing friends. I decided I have to learn to trust...so what better way to learn than to start with my girl friends. Over the past number of months, I have been fairly removed...I mean, I've been around but I haven't really been there. So it's almost like waking up and taking a deep breath...ahhh! And letting myself open up to them and trust is a big deal for me and a step I'm ready to take. It's about those darn baby steps!
Part of me is still in a bit of a funk...naturally, but the rest of me is feeling pretty darn relieved...thanks to those girls!!
Now if I can just find my Ironman motivation! If you see it wondering around, please send it back home...I need it!!
Over the past couple of weeks they have swooped in and scooped me up! I realize that so often I have the "I can do it myself" mentality and it's not always the healthiest in these situations as I end up spending my time very much alone and feeling friendless.
WHICH IS MY OWN DOING...YES, I KNOW!!
Anyway, it's been such a relief to have so many amazing friends. I decided I have to learn to trust...so what better way to learn than to start with my girl friends. Over the past number of months, I have been fairly removed...I mean, I've been around but I haven't really been there. So it's almost like waking up and taking a deep breath...ahhh! And letting myself open up to them and trust is a big deal for me and a step I'm ready to take. It's about those darn baby steps!
Part of me is still in a bit of a funk...naturally, but the rest of me is feeling pretty darn relieved...thanks to those girls!!
Now if I can just find my Ironman motivation! If you see it wondering around, please send it back home...I need it!!
The 40/40
Man, oh man! Last weekend was brutal! Doesn't seem like it should have been that bad...a short 40 mile bike ride followed by a 13 mile run followed the next day by a 40 mile recovery ride.
Sounds simple enough.
Ass kicker, I tell ya!
I managed to hang with Joe and Matt for the 40 mile ride and then I wasn't sure what I was going to do about my run, but Joe said, "ready?" so there I went. We finished the 13 miles in about 1:50, which for me, was pretty damn good straight off the bike! I couldn't have done it without him, that's for sure!!
My team was great! We had a couple of tents in our "transition area" and also some bike racks for the "full effect". Team mates who weren't participating in the brick scattered themselves out on our course, equipped with with water and oranges...ahhhh!!
The great thing about the 40/40 is that you know it's almost show time! Only one long ride left and taper has begun.
Good luck to us all!
Sounds simple enough.
Ass kicker, I tell ya!
I managed to hang with Joe and Matt for the 40 mile ride and then I wasn't sure what I was going to do about my run, but Joe said, "ready?" so there I went. We finished the 13 miles in about 1:50, which for me, was pretty damn good straight off the bike! I couldn't have done it without him, that's for sure!!
My team was great! We had a couple of tents in our "transition area" and also some bike racks for the "full effect". Team mates who weren't participating in the brick scattered themselves out on our course, equipped with with water and oranges...ahhhh!!
The great thing about the 40/40 is that you know it's almost show time! Only one long ride left and taper has begun.
Good luck to us all!
Monday, May 18, 2009
When something goes wrong with the fit...
Ever have that bike that fit like a glove and then one day, it just doesn't fit like it used to? Maybe you got a new bike, or just though of getting a new one, and suddenly discovered that you were missing something you never even realized was missing because you were so close minded and tunnel visioned about the first bike. So then maybe you tried to fix it...maybe you tried to make the first bike fit like the new one, but it just wasn't the same...and maybe it actually hurt you instead. So maybe then you tried to start over and make it fit again, like it used to. And it made your heart ache to know it would never be...
How sad to know that what was once a perfect match wasn't really so perfect after all. How do you come to terms with the guilt of not feeling guilty for wanting something else? After all the first bike did for you? All the training...all the races...all the miles of blood, sweat and tears...to know that things will never be the same. Oh, you'll still ride it on occasion and of course, you have the fond memories and the deep scars from rides past...and you'll always have a place for it in your heart; but in your heart of hearts, you know it'll never be the same.
How sad to know that what was once a perfect match wasn't really so perfect after all. How do you come to terms with the guilt of not feeling guilty for wanting something else? After all the first bike did for you? All the training...all the races...all the miles of blood, sweat and tears...to know that things will never be the same. Oh, you'll still ride it on occasion and of course, you have the fond memories and the deep scars from rides past...and you'll always have a place for it in your heart; but in your heart of hearts, you know it'll never be the same.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Falling Apart and Holding it Together...
My body doesn't want to do what I want it to do. I wanted it to run faster...it didn't want to. I wanted it to stop hurting...it didn't want to.
Mile repeats were less than impressive.
Falling apart.
My mind is doing what I want it to do. I want it to stay focused...it is doing it. I want it to stay strong...it is doing it.
Moments of freaking out or despair? Yes, but my mind is fending them off with reckless abandon. My mind is refusing to give in to the pain...to the hurt...to the heat...to anything that tries to keep me from continuing...from achieving my goals.
My mind...my friends/team mates...my heart...will not let me down...I will prevail...
Mile repeats were less than impressive.
Falling apart.
My mind is doing what I want it to do. I want it to stay focused...it is doing it. I want it to stay strong...it is doing it.
Moments of freaking out or despair? Yes, but my mind is fending them off with reckless abandon. My mind is refusing to give in to the pain...to the hurt...to the heat...to anything that tries to keep me from continuing...from achieving my goals.
My mind...my friends/team mates...my heart...will not let me down...I will prevail...
Friday, May 8, 2009
WTF??? That was some run!!
So due to scheduling conflicts (insert shameless plug for The Pure Sport Rookie Triathlon, May 10th at the Texas Ski Ranch, a Jack and Adam's/High Five Events Production) I had to do my 20 mile long run yesterday after work.
Let me set that up for you: 95 degrees, sunny, 89% humidity
Logan and I set out on what was surely to be an epic run...and it proved to be just that. I can't describe it other than to say it felt like an Ironman run in every sense. I had very little sleep in the nights leading up to the run. I woke early for my 6:00 a.m. spin class and I put in a full 8 hour work day. Then it was time for the run.
Four bottles of water and three gels later, we were done...and I mean DONE! It was the hardest, most mentally challenging run I've had in a long time. The only difference in my performance this time from previous runs was that I was able to push past the hurt, the tired, the pain to get it finished...with my running partner's help, of course!! And even though it took longer than I had hoped, it was still solid and just over 3 hours.
It was crazy! I totally felt like I was in an Ironman run...I didn't realize that you could actually replicate the feeling. Even the post run cramping and tears were present, yes, I cried. Couldn't help it...couldn't stop it!
So damned glad I did it!!
Let me set that up for you: 95 degrees, sunny, 89% humidity
Logan and I set out on what was surely to be an epic run...and it proved to be just that. I can't describe it other than to say it felt like an Ironman run in every sense. I had very little sleep in the nights leading up to the run. I woke early for my 6:00 a.m. spin class and I put in a full 8 hour work day. Then it was time for the run.
Four bottles of water and three gels later, we were done...and I mean DONE! It was the hardest, most mentally challenging run I've had in a long time. The only difference in my performance this time from previous runs was that I was able to push past the hurt, the tired, the pain to get it finished...with my running partner's help, of course!! And even though it took longer than I had hoped, it was still solid and just over 3 hours.
It was crazy! I totally felt like I was in an Ironman run...I didn't realize that you could actually replicate the feeling. Even the post run cramping and tears were present, yes, I cried. Couldn't help it...couldn't stop it!
So damned glad I did it!!
Hangin' On...
My new motto for the year!
This year it's been all about "hangin' on"...hanging on in the pool...hanging on on the bike...hanging on on the run. I have been pushing and pushing to go faster, which has meant a lot of me sitting in the back of whatever and hanging on.
It's working.
Last week I managed to hang on and ride the 100 miles to Shiner with some folks I never would have believed I could ride with...but I decided in my head that I was going to hang on as long as I could, but then something happened I didn't expect...I started to believe I could do it. Crazy as it may sound, but it's the truth. It wasn't until after the ride was over that I realized what I had done.
No, I'm not the faster or the strongest by any means, but I am beginning to believe that change is happening...for the best. I am beginning to believe that I CAN DO what I set out to do.
I just hope one day I can translate that to other aspects of my life.
I just have to keep hangin' on...
This year it's been all about "hangin' on"...hanging on in the pool...hanging on on the bike...hanging on on the run. I have been pushing and pushing to go faster, which has meant a lot of me sitting in the back of whatever and hanging on.
It's working.
Last week I managed to hang on and ride the 100 miles to Shiner with some folks I never would have believed I could ride with...but I decided in my head that I was going to hang on as long as I could, but then something happened I didn't expect...I started to believe I could do it. Crazy as it may sound, but it's the truth. It wasn't until after the ride was over that I realized what I had done.
No, I'm not the faster or the strongest by any means, but I am beginning to believe that change is happening...for the best. I am beginning to believe that I CAN DO what I set out to do.
I just hope one day I can translate that to other aspects of my life.
I just have to keep hangin' on...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Back in the Saddle Again...
Well, back in the blogging saddle!
Ever feel sometimes like there's so much going on it seems absolutely impossible (and exhausting) to write everything you want?
Let's see if I can even recall the highlights:
1. New bike!!! She's a beauty and FAST, FAST, FAST!!! Wish I had the stronger legs she deserves!
(for those who are curious (some of you have already asked)...no, I did not get rid of the Guru...too much sentimental value to ever part with that bike. I still use it as a trainer bike weekly)
2. Set new bike PR at Lone Star Half - 21.1 mph (2008 bike split - 18.3 mph). Some people said it was windy; but I never noticed it...was having so much fun on my new Felt DA.
3. Set new Run Far TT PR - 23.6 mph (20:20 min).
I LOVE MY NEW BIKE!!!
4. Set new 20 mi (training) run PR - 8:25 min/mi
5. Realizing that I live in the Matrix because I only see numbers!!
6. Most pitifull overall PR at Lone Star - 5:38:15 (2008 - 5:56). Fair swim, solid bike and then fell APART on the run...no really - I was laying on the sidewalk!
7. I know, I know...a PR is a PR...leave me alone :p
8. Oh, still trying to fend off some demons...refer back to posts from early '09, if you're really bored...yes, still working. It totally sucks though because it really makes my head hurt and I tend to then withdraw from people while struggling...sucks.
9. Celebrated having my puppies for 1 year!! Love those little monkeys!
10. Enjoying some solid training, even though at the moment, I am really tired and want to just stop...but at least I recognize that this is what happens while enduring this magnitude of training
11. Have a plan for my future...not ready to disclose the details yet, but I have taken the first step and foresee a couple of years before it comes to fruition...but it will come...I have to believe!
12. Enjoyed a visit from my sis, Jen. So good to see her relaxing and taking a step back. I really missed that part of her.
13. Getting ramped up for our first Texas Tri Series event of the season - The Rookie Triathlon. Still working the volunteers. Still stressing!! :) Love the stuff!!!
14. Enjoying a glass of wine in a tiny oasis (House Wine) while chaos surrounds me
Sometimes you've just got to take a step back, stop and smell the grapes!!
Onward...
Ever feel sometimes like there's so much going on it seems absolutely impossible (and exhausting) to write everything you want?
Let's see if I can even recall the highlights:
1. New bike!!! She's a beauty and FAST, FAST, FAST!!! Wish I had the stronger legs she deserves!
(for those who are curious (some of you have already asked)...no, I did not get rid of the Guru...too much sentimental value to ever part with that bike. I still use it as a trainer bike weekly)2. Set new bike PR at Lone Star Half - 21.1 mph (2008 bike split - 18.3 mph). Some people said it was windy; but I never noticed it...was having so much fun on my new Felt DA.
3. Set new Run Far TT PR - 23.6 mph (20:20 min).
I LOVE MY NEW BIKE!!!
4. Set new 20 mi (training) run PR - 8:25 min/mi
Place | Name | Team | Bib No | Age | Overall | Chip Time | Gun Time | Diff | Pace |
1 | Michelle Lapuente | 540 | 37 | 5 | 20:20 | 1:09:33 | 49:12 | 23.6MPH |
5. Realizing that I live in the Matrix because I only see numbers!!
6. Most pitifull overall PR at Lone Star - 5:38:15 (2008 - 5:56). Fair swim, solid bike and then fell APART on the run...no really - I was laying on the sidewalk!
7. I know, I know...a PR is a PR...leave me alone :p
8. Oh, still trying to fend off some demons...refer back to posts from early '09, if you're really bored...yes, still working. It totally sucks though because it really makes my head hurt and I tend to then withdraw from people while struggling...sucks.
9. Celebrated having my puppies for 1 year!! Love those little monkeys!
10. Enjoying some solid training, even though at the moment, I am really tired and want to just stop...but at least I recognize that this is what happens while enduring this magnitude of training
11. Have a plan for my future...not ready to disclose the details yet, but I have taken the first step and foresee a couple of years before it comes to fruition...but it will come...I have to believe!
12. Enjoyed a visit from my sis, Jen. So good to see her relaxing and taking a step back. I really missed that part of her.
13. Getting ramped up for our first Texas Tri Series event of the season - The Rookie Triathlon. Still working the volunteers. Still stressing!! :) Love the stuff!!!
14. Enjoying a glass of wine in a tiny oasis (House Wine) while chaos surrounds me
Sometimes you've just got to take a step back, stop and smell the grapes!!
Onward...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Legs of Lead...
but that's because of another successful weekend. Now, technically it was supposed to be a "recovery" type week and all in all, it was...kinda :)
Yesterday's ride was awesome - 20 mph winds, riding at a 45 degree angle to not get blown over and all in the name of charity and training!
Because of the wind, my ride plan changed from riding hard to enjoying the 50 miler. It was a short ride anyway, why did I think I needed to work so hard? I found myself invoking the same changes, for the same reasons, as I did last weekend for the half marathon. And guess what happened?
Hell ya, baby...I had a freaking great ride!!! Apparently, I like annoying hills and vicious winds. I felt strong the entire ride and never went to a bad place mentally, even when the crosswinds were blowing us all over the place. I concentrated on my leg turnover and keeping my upper body as relaxed as possible. I didn't want to have a stiff neck/shoulders after the ride. Because that sucks.
Again, I'm not sure what happened or why, but I just felt really good.
So good that after the turnaround, the boys came flying by and I was feeling fiesty; I thought, "do I go with them? do I give it a shot?" And without hesitation, I grabbed on to a wheel. I figured that I would hang on for a minute until I got dropped and then I would finish the ride with J. But that did not happen - for a while.
I couldn't believe it...I wasn't getting dropped...I was holding on...and I was flying!! Call me a wheel sucker, I don't care...it takes a lot of work to not get dropped by them. Eventually, after the last right hand turn and less than 10 miles from the finish, I started to fall off the back. And that was ok. It was a slow, painful drop but oh, so worth it!
I made the last couple of climbs by myself and still felt good. I pulled over at the last aid station only to find that it was a mere 6 miles from the finish - back on the bike and steady to the finish. I finished that ride on a huge adrenaline high - I "rode" today. Chalk it up as another milestone training day.
The only thing better than an awesome ride today? Getting to eat Fuddrucker's burgers after with two awesome ladies!!
*********************
Gotta take 'em when you can get 'em because we all know that training is always sprinkled with those sessions that aren't so great. But that's ok because now I know that I can be strong. That I am strong.
Even though my run today was mediocre, at best, it never deflated my confidence. I expected to have one of these days soon and given the effort from yesterday, I'm not surprised it happened today. The first several miles were really hard as my quads were not happy and a hamstring was angry too. I just made sure I kept running. C kept me honest and did a great job helping me stay on pace. And at the end I had 10 more running miles logged in my book.
Training has never been more fun.
(and no, I didn't have a stiff neck/shoulders afterwards!)
Yesterday's ride was awesome - 20 mph winds, riding at a 45 degree angle to not get blown over and all in the name of charity and training!
Because of the wind, my ride plan changed from riding hard to enjoying the 50 miler. It was a short ride anyway, why did I think I needed to work so hard? I found myself invoking the same changes, for the same reasons, as I did last weekend for the half marathon. And guess what happened?
Hell ya, baby...I had a freaking great ride!!! Apparently, I like annoying hills and vicious winds. I felt strong the entire ride and never went to a bad place mentally, even when the crosswinds were blowing us all over the place. I concentrated on my leg turnover and keeping my upper body as relaxed as possible. I didn't want to have a stiff neck/shoulders after the ride. Because that sucks.
Again, I'm not sure what happened or why, but I just felt really good.
So good that after the turnaround, the boys came flying by and I was feeling fiesty; I thought, "do I go with them? do I give it a shot?" And without hesitation, I grabbed on to a wheel. I figured that I would hang on for a minute until I got dropped and then I would finish the ride with J. But that did not happen - for a while.
I couldn't believe it...I wasn't getting dropped...I was holding on...and I was flying!! Call me a wheel sucker, I don't care...it takes a lot of work to not get dropped by them. Eventually, after the last right hand turn and less than 10 miles from the finish, I started to fall off the back. And that was ok. It was a slow, painful drop but oh, so worth it!
I made the last couple of climbs by myself and still felt good. I pulled over at the last aid station only to find that it was a mere 6 miles from the finish - back on the bike and steady to the finish. I finished that ride on a huge adrenaline high - I "rode" today. Chalk it up as another milestone training day.
The only thing better than an awesome ride today? Getting to eat Fuddrucker's burgers after with two awesome ladies!!
*********************
Gotta take 'em when you can get 'em because we all know that training is always sprinkled with those sessions that aren't so great. But that's ok because now I know that I can be strong. That I am strong.
Even though my run today was mediocre, at best, it never deflated my confidence. I expected to have one of these days soon and given the effort from yesterday, I'm not surprised it happened today. The first several miles were really hard as my quads were not happy and a hamstring was angry too. I just made sure I kept running. C kept me honest and did a great job helping me stay on pace. And at the end I had 10 more running miles logged in my book.
Training has never been more fun.
(and no, I didn't have a stiff neck/shoulders afterwards!)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Scratching my head...
I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I like it. I'm running. Faster. It's a strange (yet, cool) feeling when things start to click.
Ok, I am in no way setting any land speed records, but for me this is uncharted territory; mmm...maybe not uncharted, but I haven't been at this point of "AHA!!" in a long time. I remember a time when running a 10:00 min/mi was a milestone...then a 9:00 min/mi and I was happy with that...then I wanted an 8:00 min/mi
and now I'm gunning for 7:00's
I can't help but think of Carrie's recent post basically wondering when is it good enough? It brings the same kind of questions to my mind. When will we be satisfied with our successes? Will we ever be? It truly is the good and bad of this sport. It sucks you in with the small successes and makes you want more. It is what keeps pushing us to greater achievements both in and out of sport.
I like it.
I love it.
I want some more of it!
(mile repeats: 6:57/7:00/6:49/6:44)
Ok, I am in no way setting any land speed records, but for me this is uncharted territory; mmm...maybe not uncharted, but I haven't been at this point of "AHA!!" in a long time. I remember a time when running a 10:00 min/mi was a milestone...then a 9:00 min/mi and I was happy with that...then I wanted an 8:00 min/mi
and now I'm gunning for 7:00's
I can't help but think of Carrie's recent post basically wondering when is it good enough? It brings the same kind of questions to my mind. When will we be satisfied with our successes? Will we ever be? It truly is the good and bad of this sport. It sucks you in with the small successes and makes you want more. It is what keeps pushing us to greater achievements both in and out of sport.
I like it.
I love it.
I want some more of it!
(mile repeats: 6:57/7:00/6:49/6:44)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Guilt...
I am writing this as I sit on my bed...guilt ridden.
Why?
I did not go to swim practice today.
Why?
I was tired. Really tired.
For some reason, I'm never as guilty about missing a workout as I am when I miss a swim practice. I know I'm not going to forget how to swim overnight. And I'm really trying to listen to my body and rest when it calls for it...and this morning called for it.
I need to relax about it.
Seriously.
Why?
I did not go to swim practice today.
Why?
I was tired. Really tired.
For some reason, I'm never as guilty about missing a workout as I am when I miss a swim practice. I know I'm not going to forget how to swim overnight. And I'm really trying to listen to my body and rest when it calls for it...and this morning called for it.
I need to relax about it.
Seriously.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I BELIEVE
I did not believe it would come today. It was 39 degrees when the air horn blew and the winds were fierce out of the north at about 15-20 mph. I was having second thoughts about running the Moe's Better Half today. "Fun" was not an adjective I was going to use today for this race.
I began to reassess my strategy for the race and just try to stay as close to 8 min/mi as possible. All hopes for a PR were nonexistent.
The horn blew and what happened next was not at all what I would have predicted, given the conditions:
mile 1: 7:38 - holy crap it's cold and I'm going way too fast
mile 2: 7:18 - I think my Garmin's broken...my gosh I'm cold
mile 3: 7:28 - surly it's broken because it feels too easy...I should back off
mile 4: 7:36 - wtf?? oh, wait...duh...tailwind...go with it!
mile 5: 7:21 - this was not the plan, but keep it up and bank it for later 'cause we gotta turn around soon...and what's with the hills???
mile 6: 7:24 - I still think maybe the Garmin is off...
mile 7: 7:57 - crosswind, this is more the pace I was expecting
mile 8: 8:08 - oh crap, the wind is RIDICULOUS!! and what's with the HILLS??? I'm off pace...hang on!
mile 9: 8:13 - I've never worked this hard for so little return...keep pushing...oh, the HILLS!!!!
mile 10: 8:13 - I feel like I'm going to be blown over...I can do this...I can hold on...maybe even PR...did I say "PR"???
mile 11: 8:00 - if I just hold this pace, I will PR...the crosswinds...the headwinds...the HILLS...argh!! I can even walk a little and still PR - NO!!!! NO WALKING!!!
mile 12: 8:02 - I am doing this. Winds...Hills...NOT GOING TO STOP ME...KEEP PUSHING...uh oh, girl in front of me...looks to be around my age maybe...WILL CATCH HER
mile 13: 8:25 - uphill into the wind...then turn uphill and crosswinds...dropped the girl I just passed...HANG ON...PR IS IN SIGHT!!
FINISH LINE: 1:42:56 - 2nd place 35-39 - 7th place overall female.
I PR'd my half marathon by 3 minutes and that previous PR was on a perfect day on the 3M course.
What kept me going out there? It was my head. I kept telling myself that this was for a greater goal...this would help me build for Ironman...this would make me stronger for that day when all will be on the line and my mind will want to quit, my body will want to quit...but I'm going to train myself to not give in, to stay with it and keep my mind strong. It wasn't my legs that carried me to the finish...it was my head.
I BELIEVE!!!
I began to reassess my strategy for the race and just try to stay as close to 8 min/mi as possible. All hopes for a PR were nonexistent.
The horn blew and what happened next was not at all what I would have predicted, given the conditions:
mile 1: 7:38 - holy crap it's cold and I'm going way too fast
mile 2: 7:18 - I think my Garmin's broken...my gosh I'm cold
mile 3: 7:28 - surly it's broken because it feels too easy...I should back off
mile 4: 7:36 - wtf?? oh, wait...duh...tailwind...go with it!
mile 5: 7:21 - this was not the plan, but keep it up and bank it for later 'cause we gotta turn around soon...and what's with the hills???
mile 6: 7:24 - I still think maybe the Garmin is off...
mile 7: 7:57 - crosswind, this is more the pace I was expecting
mile 8: 8:08 - oh crap, the wind is RIDICULOUS!! and what's with the HILLS??? I'm off pace...hang on!
mile 9: 8:13 - I've never worked this hard for so little return...keep pushing...oh, the HILLS!!!!
mile 10: 8:13 - I feel like I'm going to be blown over...I can do this...I can hold on...maybe even PR...did I say "PR"???
mile 11: 8:00 - if I just hold this pace, I will PR...the crosswinds...the headwinds...the HILLS...argh!! I can even walk a little and still PR - NO!!!! NO WALKING!!!
mile 12: 8:02 - I am doing this. Winds...Hills...NOT GOING TO STOP ME...KEEP PUSHING...uh oh, girl in front of me...looks to be around my age maybe...WILL CATCH HER
mile 13: 8:25 - uphill into the wind...then turn uphill and crosswinds...dropped the girl I just passed...HANG ON...PR IS IN SIGHT!!
FINISH LINE: 1:42:56 - 2nd place 35-39 - 7th place overall female.
I PR'd my half marathon by 3 minutes and that previous PR was on a perfect day on the 3M course.
What kept me going out there? It was my head. I kept telling myself that this was for a greater goal...this would help me build for Ironman...this would make me stronger for that day when all will be on the line and my mind will want to quit, my body will want to quit...but I'm going to train myself to not give in, to stay with it and keep my mind strong. It wasn't my legs that carried me to the finish...it was my head.
I BELIEVE!!!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Unleashing the Beast - or - Unlocking the door to new (dis)comfort zones...
Today was a most unusually warm day as the temps reached the upper 80's. I went for a late afternoon run and this is what I came up with:
1. I am beginning to believe I am a faster runner
2. I ran 7:40 without the feeling of imminent death
3. I have been holding myself back from doing this sooner
4. No book, no friend, no coach, no team mate, NO ONE can make you believe what you are capable of if you don't first have faith in yourself and begin to believe in your abilities.
You may argue that others will help you achieve this and I will say you are right. They can, but only to a certain extent. I have been told for a long time now that I am capable of much more (and now I'm not just talking running) but I haven't let myself believe it.
It wasn't until last weekend when I hung on (for dear life) with the guys & Marie for five miles of sub-8 minute miles. Until then, the only time I've ever done that was during a 5k...and I thought I was going to lose my lunch. Not this time. I began to believe.
Then when I went for my run today and ran that same pace without fear - of getting dropped, of blowing up - I did it on my own. And did not feel the Grim Reaper on my heels.
I had crossed a barrier and now there's no turning back.
Let's see what happens next...
1. I am beginning to believe I am a faster runner
2. I ran 7:40 without the feeling of imminent death
3. I have been holding myself back from doing this sooner
4. No book, no friend, no coach, no team mate, NO ONE can make you believe what you are capable of if you don't first have faith in yourself and begin to believe in your abilities.
You may argue that others will help you achieve this and I will say you are right. They can, but only to a certain extent. I have been told for a long time now that I am capable of much more (and now I'm not just talking running) but I haven't let myself believe it.
It wasn't until last weekend when I hung on (for dear life) with the guys & Marie for five miles of sub-8 minute miles. Until then, the only time I've ever done that was during a 5k...and I thought I was going to lose my lunch. Not this time. I began to believe.
Then when I went for my run today and ran that same pace without fear - of getting dropped, of blowing up - I did it on my own. And did not feel the Grim Reaper on my heels.
I had crossed a barrier and now there's no turning back.
Let's see what happens next...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
She wore an...
itty-bitty-teeny-weeny red and yellow flamed bikini...
I LOVE my new SPLISH swim suit! Yes, after reading about them on Bree Wee and Amanda Lovato's blogs, I decided to give them a try.I previously had a TYR two piece that I really liked the design and pattern (who can't feel fast and fierce wearing skulls and crossbones?) but because I'm small on top, the low cut caused a lot of water to pull on the suit. The bottom was a little bit better but still I couldn't get it tight enough. So sadly, I had to put it away and resume my search for a perfect two piece suit.
Enter SPISH.
I had read about them a while back on the blogs and figured it was time to give 'em a whirl...many patterns to choose from and if you don't like those, design your own! And price? Average to low for a suit anywhere else. The fit? Nice and snug. No gapping. No pulling. No slipping around.
I love my new suit!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Observations from the Road...
Last Sunday I had the opportunity to ride alongside some truly remarkable athletes. Since there is no way I can run with them, I make the most of what I can get.
For those of you who are like me and somewhere in the middle, we often time don't realize that the leaders get bike escorts. Or if we do, we never see them! Anyhow, I was fortunate enough to get to participate as an escort (no, not that kind of escort, sheesh...) for the women's half marathon.
There are so many details of the day that I could go on and on and on...etc. But I will keep focused here on the observations I want to share:
1. Having fun - when I saw Gilbert in the early miles of the race, he seemed to be having fun; even making a little small talk with me as I rode alongside
2. Focused - the level of focus that these runners have is incredible
3. Relentless - despite the physical pain and what surely must also be mental pain, they do not back down, give up or give in...even if there's no chance to win.
4. Technique - one of the main reasons I love this job is that I get to watch their running styles and forms. Since I have such a problem with my foot strike, this is a great way to watch and learn.
As I stated earlier, I could go on...but I wanted to point out the things that struck a chord with me. I just love to watch them run!!
Thank you, runners (thanks, Desiree)
For those of you who are like me and somewhere in the middle, we often time don't realize that the leaders get bike escorts. Or if we do, we never see them! Anyhow, I was fortunate enough to get to participate as an escort (no, not that kind of escort, sheesh...) for the women's half marathon.
There are so many details of the day that I could go on and on and on...etc. But I will keep focused here on the observations I want to share:
1. Having fun - when I saw Gilbert in the early miles of the race, he seemed to be having fun; even making a little small talk with me as I rode alongside
2. Focused - the level of focus that these runners have is incredible
3. Relentless - despite the physical pain and what surely must also be mental pain, they do not back down, give up or give in...even if there's no chance to win.
4. Technique - one of the main reasons I love this job is that I get to watch their running styles and forms. Since I have such a problem with my foot strike, this is a great way to watch and learn.
As I stated earlier, I could go on...but I wanted to point out the things that struck a chord with me. I just love to watch them run!!
Thank you, runners (thanks, Desiree)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Know When to Fold 'Em...
"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away and know when to run"
-Kenny Rogers, The Gambler
Every once in a long while this will happen during training and the decision must be made...today was that day.
And the decision was made - I scrapped the ride. I'm not one to normally bail but it just wasn't in the cards today. It all started with my pre-ride 5 mile run. The run went fine (sidebar: it was my 21st of 21 days of running!) but I noticed that my tummy was feeling just a bit off and I wasn't sure if it was going to pass or become an issue. I figured I'd head out on the ride anyhow. The weather conditions were fairly brutal in that they were very much like last weekend...only colder. Yes, nasty wind and bitter cold. Fortunately, unlike my riding partner, I was dressed appropriately and wasn't all that uncomfortable. But as we slogged out to Fitzhugh, it was determined that we were not getting in a workout at all. We were just going through the motions, my mind obsessed with what my stomach might or might not do and we really weren't getting anywhere. Literally. We traveled just over 12 miles in an hour. Stellar (insert large quantities of sarcasm here).
The decision was made and executed.
The turnaround occurred.
Breakfast ensued.
What did I learn?
That I made the right decision. Turns out that as the day progressed I felt genuinely fatigued, as if I might be fighting off something. I managed to sneak in a nap before getting to all the other plans I had for the day, but I could tell that all was not quite right. So much so, that by the second half of Carrie's show, I was feeling run-down and ready to pass out. I'm trying to be better at listening to my body and this was a good example. Yes, the guilt associated with bagging the ride will linger but at least I will not have run myself into the ground and suffer by having to miss additional training sessions.
Know when to walk away and know when to run"
-Kenny Rogers, The Gambler
Every once in a long while this will happen during training and the decision must be made...today was that day.
And the decision was made - I scrapped the ride. I'm not one to normally bail but it just wasn't in the cards today. It all started with my pre-ride 5 mile run. The run went fine (sidebar: it was my 21st of 21 days of running!) but I noticed that my tummy was feeling just a bit off and I wasn't sure if it was going to pass or become an issue. I figured I'd head out on the ride anyhow. The weather conditions were fairly brutal in that they were very much like last weekend...only colder. Yes, nasty wind and bitter cold. Fortunately, unlike my riding partner, I was dressed appropriately and wasn't all that uncomfortable. But as we slogged out to Fitzhugh, it was determined that we were not getting in a workout at all. We were just going through the motions, my mind obsessed with what my stomach might or might not do and we really weren't getting anywhere. Literally. We traveled just over 12 miles in an hour. Stellar (insert large quantities of sarcasm here).
The decision was made and executed.
The turnaround occurred.
Breakfast ensued.
What did I learn?
That I made the right decision. Turns out that as the day progressed I felt genuinely fatigued, as if I might be fighting off something. I managed to sneak in a nap before getting to all the other plans I had for the day, but I could tell that all was not quite right. So much so, that by the second half of Carrie's show, I was feeling run-down and ready to pass out. I'm trying to be better at listening to my body and this was a good example. Yes, the guilt associated with bagging the ride will linger but at least I will not have run myself into the ground and suffer by having to miss additional training sessions.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Running backwards...
Is how I felt tonight on the track.
4x1 mile repeats
Did I have anything left?
This is day 11 of 21 of my run block and I'm really feeling it now. The answer to the previous question is no - and yes. I had absolutely no speed. Every step was a struggle. Every breath labored.
I didn't warm up properly, I was too anxious to get started, done and home early. That certainly didn't help my first mile:
7:37
7:15
7:17
7:12
It was a bit frustrating, but knowing that I have really been putting miles on the ol' legs, I tried not to beat myself up too much over it. Hopefully, once I'm done with this block I'll really be able to see where I am with my mile repeats and go from there.
I just really, really, REALLY want to become a better (faster) runner.
Patience.
4x1 mile repeats
Did I have anything left?
This is day 11 of 21 of my run block and I'm really feeling it now. The answer to the previous question is no - and yes. I had absolutely no speed. Every step was a struggle. Every breath labored.
I didn't warm up properly, I was too anxious to get started, done and home early. That certainly didn't help my first mile:
7:37
7:15
7:17
7:12
It was a bit frustrating, but knowing that I have really been putting miles on the ol' legs, I tried not to beat myself up too much over it. Hopefully, once I'm done with this block I'll really be able to see where I am with my mile repeats and go from there.
I just really, really, REALLY want to become a better (faster) runner.
Patience.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Guardian Angels...
Some guardian angels are living right before your eyes!! Mine is named Nancy. This morning, as I was dragging myself into the dressing room at the pool, she followed me in. I didn't think anything of until, with a glow on her face she said she had something for me. I was still half a sleep but I could see she was serious about it. As I turned the bag over, emptying its contents into my other hand, I could not believe my eyes.
An m-dot necklace.
She had replaced my lost m-dot necklace.
I cried.
I am not sure why I deserve such a gesture, but I am forever grateful for the selflessness and generosity of others. I am truly blessed!
An m-dot necklace.
She had replaced my lost m-dot necklace.
I cried.
I am not sure why I deserve such a gesture, but I am forever grateful for the selflessness and generosity of others. I am truly blessed!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Am I really doing this??
Tritobefunny is going to triandkickmyassintorunninggear!!
\
I agreed to meet Carrie at 7:00 a.m. for a 12 mile run. I'll be honest, I was a little intimidated by the idea, but since I am hellbent on improving my run (and she obliged) I decided it was a good idea. And it was! Aside from the obvious (she's faster than me) she's just fun to be around.
We finished the 7 mile loop in a decent time, but I had not anticipated what was to come. We picked up a couple of friends for the last 5 miles...a couple of just-as-fast-as-Carrie friends. I felt so out of shape as they were all chatty and having a great time and I was just trying to stay upright and not lose a lung!!
The last mile was at a pace just over 7 min/mi. and it felt every bit of it! My legs were on fire, my lungs searing and my heart about to explode!!
But I did it!
Day 8 of 21 - done!
\
I agreed to meet Carrie at 7:00 a.m. for a 12 mile run. I'll be honest, I was a little intimidated by the idea, but since I am hellbent on improving my run (and she obliged) I decided it was a good idea. And it was! Aside from the obvious (she's faster than me) she's just fun to be around.
We finished the 7 mile loop in a decent time, but I had not anticipated what was to come. We picked up a couple of friends for the last 5 miles...a couple of just-as-fast-as-Carrie friends. I felt so out of shape as they were all chatty and having a great time and I was just trying to stay upright and not lose a lung!!
The last mile was at a pace just over 7 min/mi. and it felt every bit of it! My legs were on fire, my lungs searing and my heart about to explode!!
But I did it!
Day 8 of 21 - done!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Long and Winding Road...
No, I'm not referring to the old Beatles tune but to my first long outdoor ride of the year. Up until now I've spent a lot of time on the trainer, but now it was time to hit the road. And I was starting it on the Dam Loop...go big or go home!
I love this route. It is comfortable and familiar to me. I've been riding this loop for years. I started the morning off in a bit of a funk and I wasn't feeling very social so I decided to lay low and get my stuff on in a hurry so that I could get going before my group was to start. They were rolling out about 8:30 and by my watch it was 8:22, yikes!
There was a chill in the air but I knew it would be warming up, so a pair of toe covers and arm warmers and I was good to go. I quickly caught up with the first group and then I was on my own. I headed out Southwest Parkway and got my first taste of the hills and it felt great! I really like Reflector Hill, it just feels good. Once on Hwy 71, I crossed my fingers and held on tight until I got off of there. Scariest part over and life was good again.
As I was riding, I worked some things out in my head. Sometimes just being on the bike and on the road on a beautiful day is all it takes to make all the bad go away.
Periodically I came upon teammates sprinkled here and there and it was a good knowing that they were coming my way, in case I ran into trouble or needed help. I guess after about 30 or 35 miles, C caught up to me and I kind of thought I'd catch a little break...you know, maybe catch a draft here or there, but nooooooo...he managed to stay just enough ahead of me on the hills that I didn't benefit and other times, I just rode alongside. I'm sure it's better for me in the long run. I did notice that the wind was picking up...and out of the south, just in time for us to head south back onto 360!!
Ok, that stupid hill at Bee Cave just never gets any easier, especially with a headwind...argh!!! Anyhow, I made it (yeah!!) and was happy to get back to Southwest Pkwy. After finally meandering our way back to the parking lot, we loaded up the bikes, threw on the running shoes, hooked up with Master T and headed out for our 30 minute run. That's right folks, first ride of the season was also the first brick of the season...go big or go home!! Naturally, the first bit was tough and I wasn't so sure about even going 20 minutes. And considering this is day 7 of my 21 day run block, the legs weren't so fresh. Anyhow, the more we ran, the better I felt. Master T turned back and C and I pressed on. 35 minutes later I was back at my car for a stretch, recovery drink and Yvonne's homemade cookies!!
In summary...I felt great! I'm not sure what that means but I didn't feel bad at all. I felt like my legs were a bit tired and sure, that's expected...but I really felt fine. I didn't even go home and pass out like I used to do!!
I guess I am a bit more fit than I thought...or just had a lucky day, cause I know what's yet to come!!
I love this route. It is comfortable and familiar to me. I've been riding this loop for years. I started the morning off in a bit of a funk and I wasn't feeling very social so I decided to lay low and get my stuff on in a hurry so that I could get going before my group was to start. They were rolling out about 8:30 and by my watch it was 8:22, yikes!
There was a chill in the air but I knew it would be warming up, so a pair of toe covers and arm warmers and I was good to go. I quickly caught up with the first group and then I was on my own. I headed out Southwest Parkway and got my first taste of the hills and it felt great! I really like Reflector Hill, it just feels good. Once on Hwy 71, I crossed my fingers and held on tight until I got off of there. Scariest part over and life was good again.
As I was riding, I worked some things out in my head. Sometimes just being on the bike and on the road on a beautiful day is all it takes to make all the bad go away.
Periodically I came upon teammates sprinkled here and there and it was a good knowing that they were coming my way, in case I ran into trouble or needed help. I guess after about 30 or 35 miles, C caught up to me and I kind of thought I'd catch a little break...you know, maybe catch a draft here or there, but nooooooo...he managed to stay just enough ahead of me on the hills that I didn't benefit and other times, I just rode alongside. I'm sure it's better for me in the long run. I did notice that the wind was picking up...and out of the south, just in time for us to head south back onto 360!!
Ok, that stupid hill at Bee Cave just never gets any easier, especially with a headwind...argh!!! Anyhow, I made it (yeah!!) and was happy to get back to Southwest Pkwy. After finally meandering our way back to the parking lot, we loaded up the bikes, threw on the running shoes, hooked up with Master T and headed out for our 30 minute run. That's right folks, first ride of the season was also the first brick of the season...go big or go home!! Naturally, the first bit was tough and I wasn't so sure about even going 20 minutes. And considering this is day 7 of my 21 day run block, the legs weren't so fresh. Anyhow, the more we ran, the better I felt. Master T turned back and C and I pressed on. 35 minutes later I was back at my car for a stretch, recovery drink and Yvonne's homemade cookies!!
In summary...I felt great! I'm not sure what that means but I didn't feel bad at all. I felt like my legs were a bit tired and sure, that's expected...but I really felt fine. I didn't even go home and pass out like I used to do!!
I guess I am a bit more fit than I thought...or just had a lucky day, cause I know what's yet to come!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Out in the cold...
Last night was an interesting one. After a short run, I hopped on my bike for spin class and quickly realized that my m-dot necklace was missing.
DAMN!
I hopped off my bike and did a quick search of the dressing room, my running clothes, my bag and all surrounding areas...no luck.
After class I decided it would be my mission to go out and retrace my steps to search for it. No problem, right? Right. Except that it was now after 8:00 p.m. and the temperature was a brisk 30 degrees with north winds sustained at about 20 mph. I was not quite appropriately dressed, but then again, I was only hoping to be out there for 20-30 minutes.
So I started walking. And I walked. And I walked some more. Slowly. Patiently. Realizing that I was the only person on the streets gave me some comfort of safety...but only from people, the cold was harsh. Finally, a spark of hope! I found the chain that the m-dot had been on, but that was it. I looked frantically around the entire area, hoping that it had fallen close by but that was not to be...so I kept walking. Now I had a bit of hope and that seemed to warm me a bit, but not for long. Again, I was creeping along the sidewalk. As I was walking, I started to laugh (out of delirium? perhaps) because only a crazy triathlete would be out in this weather looking for something that was completely replaceable!! It's not like it was a wedding ring or other highly valuable gem. It's just a little piece of jewelry that I bought to commemorate something special to me. Something that I worked very hard for, and now, here I was working hard for it again.
For almost two hours, I walked from the PTC (Oltorf and Lamar), crossed the Pedestrian bridge and began to head back. Fortunately, that's when C found me and saved my toes from frostbite. We drove back to the site where I had found the chain and this time he gave it a look. Nothing.
I know I am not defined by a piece of jewelry or by any branded product like a t-shirt, a backpack, a hat or any other tangible item that states I've completed an event; and beyond any finishing time in any record book, solely by the nature of my ability to set out on a mission, even if it results in failure, and see it through to the end...makes me an Ironman.
I set out in adverse conditions to complete something that was important to me...not to anyone else, but to me...and I failed.
I couldn't be happier.
************************************************************************************
p.s. don't get me wrong, I LOVE all the marketing swag and jewelry!!
DAMN!
I hopped off my bike and did a quick search of the dressing room, my running clothes, my bag and all surrounding areas...no luck.
After class I decided it would be my mission to go out and retrace my steps to search for it. No problem, right? Right. Except that it was now after 8:00 p.m. and the temperature was a brisk 30 degrees with north winds sustained at about 20 mph. I was not quite appropriately dressed, but then again, I was only hoping to be out there for 20-30 minutes.
So I started walking. And I walked. And I walked some more. Slowly. Patiently. Realizing that I was the only person on the streets gave me some comfort of safety...but only from people, the cold was harsh. Finally, a spark of hope! I found the chain that the m-dot had been on, but that was it. I looked frantically around the entire area, hoping that it had fallen close by but that was not to be...so I kept walking. Now I had a bit of hope and that seemed to warm me a bit, but not for long. Again, I was creeping along the sidewalk. As I was walking, I started to laugh (out of delirium? perhaps) because only a crazy triathlete would be out in this weather looking for something that was completely replaceable!! It's not like it was a wedding ring or other highly valuable gem. It's just a little piece of jewelry that I bought to commemorate something special to me. Something that I worked very hard for, and now, here I was working hard for it again.
For almost two hours, I walked from the PTC (Oltorf and Lamar), crossed the Pedestrian bridge and began to head back. Fortunately, that's when C found me and saved my toes from frostbite. We drove back to the site where I had found the chain and this time he gave it a look. Nothing.
I know I am not defined by a piece of jewelry or by any branded product like a t-shirt, a backpack, a hat or any other tangible item that states I've completed an event; and beyond any finishing time in any record book, solely by the nature of my ability to set out on a mission, even if it results in failure, and see it through to the end...makes me an Ironman.
I set out in adverse conditions to complete something that was important to me...not to anyone else, but to me...and I failed.
I couldn't be happier.
************************************************************************************
p.s. don't get me wrong, I LOVE all the marketing swag and jewelry!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Short Shorts Fiasco...
We all know there was a time when running fashion was...well, less than fashionable. I was rudely reminded of that on the trail the other day. C and I had gone out for a run and shortly into our warm up, he nudges and whispers loudly to me, "don't look!"
Too late!!
There it was, the man in the ultra-short, white, running shorts. Where do you even begin to find those? Were they tucked in the back of a closet, waiting for release into the new era of running? Were they his high school cross country shorts? Were they even his? What prompted him to put them on on this particular day? Did they shrink in the wash?
I performed my own bit of research on mens' running shorts and couldn't even find "white" as an option for men's running shorts!!
So many questions in such a short time that I hardly noticed that my eyeballs were now scarred for life. This image of the man in the ultra-short, white, running shorts has seared it's impression and shall never be forgotten.
If you, ultra-short, white, running shorts man, happens to come upon this post...please do not take offense...just take note that the current year is 2009 and pick up a new pair of running shorts.
Please.
Too late!!
There it was, the man in the ultra-short, white, running shorts. Where do you even begin to find those? Were they tucked in the back of a closet, waiting for release into the new era of running? Were they his high school cross country shorts? Were they even his? What prompted him to put them on on this particular day? Did they shrink in the wash?
I performed my own bit of research on mens' running shorts and couldn't even find "white" as an option for men's running shorts!!
So many questions in such a short time that I hardly noticed that my eyeballs were now scarred for life. This image of the man in the ultra-short, white, running shorts has seared it's impression and shall never be forgotten.
If you, ultra-short, white, running shorts man, happens to come upon this post...please do not take offense...just take note that the current year is 2009 and pick up a new pair of running shorts.
Please.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Ready, set...one more week...
I am so freakin' excited to train for IM CDA again...just not this week. I know, I know...but this is WEEK 1!! The kickoff meeting was last Sunday and Monday was our first day of training!! I'm supposed to be getting on it, buckling down, getting serious...
WTH???
I'm working my way there but ditched two workouts this week for wine. Let it be known though that the workouts I did do, I did with focus and intensity. I swam with purpose, spun with conviction and ran with heart. So long as I can maintain that focus and keep my workouts meaningful, I will do just fine and when I feel like I'm starting to fall apart, I have teammates who will keep me honest.
But that'll be next week.
*************************************************************************************
Tomorrow I will join my team in a memorial ride for Erin Lahr, a young woman who I wrote of after her collapse at the Dallas White Rock Marathon. It is forecasted to be cold and windy; certainly not favorable riding conditions, in my book. But I will ride and so will others because we have a purpose. I hope that wherever Erin is now, it is beautiful and always perfect for a ride or a run.
I will feel the wind and I will feel the cold and I will relish in the fact that I can FEEL. I will recall the brief moments I had with her and how friendly and kind she was to me. I truly believe people come in and out of our lives for different reasons and I think Erin was here to remind me to feel...with my hands and my heart. Thank you, Erin!!
WTH???
I'm working my way there but ditched two workouts this week for wine. Let it be known though that the workouts I did do, I did with focus and intensity. I swam with purpose, spun with conviction and ran with heart. So long as I can maintain that focus and keep my workouts meaningful, I will do just fine and when I feel like I'm starting to fall apart, I have teammates who will keep me honest.
But that'll be next week.
*************************************************************************************
Tomorrow I will join my team in a memorial ride for Erin Lahr, a young woman who I wrote of after her collapse at the Dallas White Rock Marathon. It is forecasted to be cold and windy; certainly not favorable riding conditions, in my book. But I will ride and so will others because we have a purpose. I hope that wherever Erin is now, it is beautiful and always perfect for a ride or a run.
I will feel the wind and I will feel the cold and I will relish in the fact that I can FEEL. I will recall the brief moments I had with her and how friendly and kind she was to me. I truly believe people come in and out of our lives for different reasons and I think Erin was here to remind me to feel...with my hands and my heart. Thank you, Erin!!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Party Pooper...
Yesterday I decided to skip track practice and just go out for a short run. I guess you could say I was having an aversion to "big group workout". That being said, I heard I missed a really good and fun practice. Anyhow, as I headed out I have to admit that the first mile and a half were ICK!
What happened to my legs? Where'd they go? I was barely running 8:00 and just Sunday I was ticking away 7:35's...WTF???
I stopped for some water and a little stretching before continuing on and that seemed to help a bit. Then super D came up next to me (yes, I had stopped to fuss with my iPod) and suddenly the run seemed to perk up a bit. It was as if my legs just needed a companion. Things went along great even after D peeled off.
That was until the Party Pooper arrived...
**WARNING: IF YOU ARE GROSSED OUT BY POOP TALK, THEN STOP READING***
The Party Pooper - the uncontrollable urge to go #2. OMG, I thought I was going to have some serious problems so I cut the run short and headed back. The whole time I'm running back I feel like I'm going to lose control and I'm thinking, "great! of all the days I decide to wear light-colored shorts!!"
In the end, all was right in the world. No eruptions - quite uneventful, thankfully. I suppose it's safe to say that you just never know when the ol' Party Pooper is going to show up...just gotta be ready to face it and take it in stride...
What happened to my legs? Where'd they go? I was barely running 8:00 and just Sunday I was ticking away 7:35's...WTF???
I stopped for some water and a little stretching before continuing on and that seemed to help a bit. Then super D came up next to me (yes, I had stopped to fuss with my iPod) and suddenly the run seemed to perk up a bit. It was as if my legs just needed a companion. Things went along great even after D peeled off.
That was until the Party Pooper arrived...
**WARNING: IF YOU ARE GROSSED OUT BY POOP TALK, THEN STOP READING***
The Party Pooper - the uncontrollable urge to go #2. OMG, I thought I was going to have some serious problems so I cut the run short and headed back. The whole time I'm running back I feel like I'm going to lose control and I'm thinking, "great! of all the days I decide to wear light-colored shorts!!"
In the end, all was right in the world. No eruptions - quite uneventful, thankfully. I suppose it's safe to say that you just never know when the ol' Party Pooper is going to show up...just gotta be ready to face it and take it in stride...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
From here on, everything counts...
Yes, training has begun and we are now mid-week into week 1 and although I have already missed two scheduled workouts and I'm not worried about it at all. I know what I have ahead of me and what I need to do to get to the finish line in a time that will satisfy me. It's really fairly simple:
MAKE IT COUNT
Every workout, every training session...every decision I make about my life from here on, counts. It's a new year...it's time to get the plan into action.
Stay tuned...more to follow.
MAKE IT COUNT
Every workout, every training session...every decision I make about my life from here on, counts. It's a new year...it's time to get the plan into action.
Stay tuned...more to follow.
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