Friday, May 30, 2008

Doing the right thing

can hurt
make you sad
pierce your heart
feel good deep inside...

I know I'm not perfect and I don't try to be...but I do try to be a good person and do the right thing, even if it makes my heart hurt sometimes.

It's funny because as you grow up (hopefully) your parents always tell you about doing the right thing and being a good person and how part of growing up is doing what's right even when it's hard or you don't want to do it...

I guess I've grown up a little bit.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

3 Seconds to impact...

If ever I believed in God, today was the day.

Thanks to the Big Man upstairs for watching out for was not my day to go.

As I headed south on MoPac I was cruising along singing to myself (no iPod) and just as I approached Escarpment, a small car passed me and as soon as she got to the intersection (about 2 car lengths in front of me) a mini-van blew past a stop sign and plowed right into her and sent her spinning.

I slammed on my brakes as I witnessed the accident unfold in front of me like a scene from a movie. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

1st thought - OMG, I was almost in that.

2nd thought - I need to make sure they're ok.

3rd thought - How do I get over there without putting myself in danger?

I helped the lady who was struck exit her car from the passenger side while another witness called 911. All seemed to be ok at the scene and I stayed around until the police arrived to give him my statement and contact information. I would hope someone would do the same for me if ever needed.

I got back on my bike and reluctantly continued on my way. Today was definitely one of the hardest rides I've had in a long time. Mentally I just wasn't there. I wanted to go back to my car after I saw the accident.

I convinced myself to go a little further.

I got back to Southwest Parkway and was ok, but by the time I got to 620 I wanted to call someone to come pick me up.

I convinced myself to go a little further.

I turned around just before all the construction and headed back and into the wind. It was hot. I was mentally tired. I wanted to quit...but honestly, I couldn't think of anyone who would be available to come pick me up and who wouldn't give me crap for bailing on a ride.

I convinced myself to go a little further.

By the time I got to Bee Cave, it was brutally hot and very windy. I stopped for more fluids and noticed I was losing a lot of salt - even though I was taking 1 salt tablet every 15 minutes. I started taking 2 every 15 minutes.

I'm not sure why I'm having such a tough time mentally on these last few long rides...maybe today because I was by myself? Could be. I don't know what my problem was last weekend. I enjoy riding very much and I've had some really good looong rides...maybe I'm just tired.

I finally decided that it was getting way too hot and 2 more hours would just kill me, so after 4 hours I called it a day. I packed up my stuff, said hi to folks in the shop and headed home after a quick stop at PTerry's (yum!). But as I was driving, a crazy thing happened - guilt. Guilt for not finishing what I set out to do. So what did I do?

I convinced myself to go a little further.

I got home and before I showered, before I took off my nasty, smelly clothes - I set my bike up on my trainer and rode the last 2 hours!!!!

I convinced myself to FINISH!! Yea me!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Blinded by the light...

or by my own unwillingness to open my eyes.

Maybe I'm still not ready...

Maybe I'm just scared...

Maybe I just don't know what I want...

Maybe I just know what I don't want...

Maybe I just don't know how to give him a chance...

Who is he?

Maybe he's right in front of me...

Maybe I haven't met him yet...

God, please help me find the strength... let him go. find him and let him in.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A Skeese Sunday...

So after yesterday's long training session I raced home for a quick shower and an even quicker repacking of the bag. I was meeting Jen to drive down to the Texas Ski Ranch so I could participate in Stacy's race Sunday morning. Of course in doing so, I forgot to change out my wheels for my race wheels and I forget my quick laces for my running shoes - dork.

We got there just in time to eat pizza (our standard fare at the Ski Ranch) and hang a few signs. I was feeling pretty tired and so I headed back to the cabin soon to catch some zzzz's. When I woke up I thought someone had taken a baseball bat during the night and pummeled me with it as I slept. My shoulders ached from the swim and I was a bit fatigued from riding all those hills.

Why was I racing? I haven't done speed work in ages (one thing I'll change for IMAZ in Nov.) and I certainly haven't done an all out effort the day following a long training day...I was in for something new...I kept telling myself, "this is for fun!"

What I kept thinking was, "you have 15 miles to run after this!"

As we waited for the airhorn to go off I suddenly had to pee. Not the "oh, I'll just hold it for an hour" pee, but a real "OMG, I really have to go" I did...sorry ladies. When the horn finally blew I started swimming...but it wasn't really swimming, it was me trying hard to lift the lead-filled extremities I used to call arms over my head and through the water. Boy, Saturday really took it's toll! Not only that, but I haven't been knocked around so much in a race start - vicious women :)

Ah, the bike...or so I thought. Remember those hills from yesterday? You guessed it, they caught up to me. I had the hardest time turning over the ol' pistons. To keep me focused I decided that the only women who were allowed to pass me today were women also wearing Jack and Adam's jerseys (only because I knew a few of them were blazing fast). At one point I was slacking off and a woman in a Tough Cookies jersey passed me. YIKES!! No offense Tough Cookies, but that wasn't in my game plan. So I stalked until we approached a hill and I KNEW I could take her...and I did! And I never caught sight of her again...muah-ha-ha-ha! Oh, and that thing about the J&A jerseys, yep, they came flying by me like I was standing still. Amazing women!

Salvage the run? Kind of. I managed to pass a few women but unfortunately none of them were in my age group. Drats. I kept thinking of the 15 miles I still had to do after I finished the race and I think that kept me too conservative because I only ran 7:44's. I know I can do better than that for only two miles. I was kind of cruising through the last stretch of the run until someone yelled out, "they're sprinting behind you!" Damn it! Now I have to sprint too! So I held off whoever was back there and came in at 1:02: and change...not too bad.

After the race, Michelle and I headed out for another five miles in the scorching heat. We had to head back so that she could get her award. I decided I didn't want to continue running by myself so I came back with her. I was there for a little while longer then came back home for a shower and a nap. Once I woke I was faced with the realization that I still had 10 miles to cover.

I did NOT want to go. I was almost in tears over it. I was just waiting and wanting someone to tell me NOT to go...NOT to do PUT IT OFF until Monday...but I decided that I needed to stick to my plan and I was going to get my miles in, regardless. And as it turns out, I did pretty good and felt pretty good too.

Cheers to a successful weekend!

2.4 mi swim - 1:18:01
82 mi bike - DDL, 17.4 mph
Skeese tri - 1:02 (AG 11th of 89, Overall 27th of over 400)
5 mi run - 45 min
10 mi run - 1:35

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Super Saturday

Part I

I can't believe it. I came out of the water just three seconds behind Allison...official time 1:18:01!!! That's 20 minutes better than my swim at Ironman AZ last year! I never, ever thought I'd turn into a decent IM swimmer. How did this happen?

Well for starters, I have been religious about swim practice. The only practices I've missed have been rain outs. Secondly, I have great coaches! They have been on me for months with stroke technique and a lot of patience. And finally, motivation. I was so motivated on Saturday because I had to stop for a minute and I thought that my friends took off. I was so afraid of getting too far behind that I swam with everything I had. I was focused and determined and it paid off! When I got out of the water I was looking around for them and then realized that I got out of the water BEFORE them!!! Holy crap!!

I don't think anyone believed it possible...especially me!

When I got going I tried to concentrate on my technique and especially my balance. I tried to really get my rotation and press my chest into the water. Tried to get a good catch. Tried to draft and actually was able to pass a few folks along the way.

I think I can get it down to 1:15...
Part II

The bike ride! After surviving the swim, we headed out on our bike ride. We did a double Dam loop ride and I am soooo tired of 620!! I soooo did not feel like riding after we started, and for no particular reason other than I just didn't feel like I wanted to do it. But after 82 miles and an ungodly number of hills, we finished did a short run. I have to say, I was sure glad to have finished with a solid 17.4 mph average.

Thanks, friends...I couldn't make it without you!

Friday, May 16, 2008


That's what I want to do right now. Not because I'm angry. Not because I'm hurting...or sad...or troubled...or anything like that. I want to scream because I am feeling so anxious and wound up over my looming Ironman race. Fortunately, I am not the only one feeling this way. Ed is also feeling it. Makes me feel better.

This weekend will be a good indicator as to how I will do in 5 weeks and 2 days. I will rest today and get my "stuff" ready for the weekend which, if all goes well, will play out like this:

Saturday: Mansfield Dam open water swim of 2.4 miles followed by a 90 mile bike ride.
Sunday: Skeese Greets sprint triathlon (300 m/11 mi/2 mi) followed by a 16-18 mile run

I'm tired just thinking about it!!

But actually, I'm very excited...I just want to get it done!!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I am not a religious person. I am not a highly spiritual person. But I believe...most of the time...the times I'm not sure I wouldn't say I disbelieve...I just am not sure.

Have you ever wondered, if you died tomorrow, who would attend your funeral? Who wouldn't? What would they say? How would you be remembered?

I was talking to a friend the other day about this and how I hoped that somehow I would be able to attend my own funeral and he made a suggestion that I make a video to be played at my funeral as a way for me to say goodbye. Interesting. I thought about it. Who would I mention first? Most likely family - parents, siblings. But then who? Friends - who first? If I put someone before someone else, would they be upset? Would they wonder why I mention people in a particular order? Would it really matter? Probably not, I'd be dead. This video would be contingent on my means of achieving death...traumatic accident would probably not allow me time to make the video. I hope I get to say goodbye.

But for now, I am here. I am living. I am in the present. I am appreciating the fact that I was able to go out after work and have a bad run. Yes, that's right...I'm thankful for a bad run. I met a friend for what should've been a 7 mile run, but ended up with only 5 miles and I had to stop and stretch a couple of times. It was extremely humid and I was running a little faster than I'm accustomed to running. It wasn't a particularly good run...but I was able to run. I am thankful.

Thanks everyone for all your support :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dusting off the blog...

Oh goodness! I feel like I've been neglecting my blog...shame on me! Well, it's not as if I've just been sitting on my duff...yes, I said "duff"...not even sure if that's how it's spelled.

The Rookie Triathlon came off really well...the heat and sun held off long enough for the athletes to finish and all in all I think most everyone had a good time. It sure was cool to see so many first timers cross the finish line and see those smiles. It's so important because you always remember your first triathlon and we want that to be a great experience. We want to encourage them to continue with the sport and adopt/maintain a healthy lifestyle...all the good things that we've each gotten from the sport...I could go on, but I'll spare you for now!

Anyway, this is a big week for me. I'm making some decisions about my life that will take a little planning and time before implementation, so I'm not quite ready to disclose them yet...stay tuned.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

It's Madness, I Say!!

This is proving to be a challenging week! Not only is it a fairly heavy training week (although no 100 mi bike ride), I do have to get in a 13 mi run and a 60 mi ride/45 min brick run in this weekend while working and working as the volunteer coordinator for the Rookie Triathlon. Don't get me wrong...I looooove working races...would do it full time if I could. But when you put all those things together it makes for a crazy week. Good thing I'm taking off work tomorrow so I can go help setup!!

I love setup! Why? I find it soooo cool to watch a site go from a blank slate to this festive and fun atmosphere...then add athletes and spectators on race's a very special thing. Sometimes, once the race gets into full swing, I step back for a few minutes and just take in the big picture. People laughing, enjoying themselves, watching friends and family, leaving all else behind for just a bit...People finishing their first triathlon; others finishing their gabillionth makes me feel good about what we do.

Anyway, I could go on and on but I still have to check/send volunteer email!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Did you know...

Did you know that if you keep yourself busy enough it can mask the loneliness?

Did you know that you can be surrounded by wonderful people but still feel like there's an empty place in your heart?

Did you know that if you spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself for the things you don't have in your life, that you can miss out on all the good?

I thought you did.

I'm so behind on my blog...I will catch pics...and all that good stuff!!