Thursday, July 30, 2009



Fight - the temptation to succumb
Empower - yourself to face your fears
Admit - that you are fearful
Restore - your confidence that you can overcome

Three times this week the word "fear" has been used in conversation regarding me. Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a fearful person.

What is "fear" to me?
Fear is controlling.
Fear is a demon.

What am I "fearful" of?
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of disappointing.
Fear of being lonely.
Fear of discovering I'm no different than everyone else.
Fear of discovering I'm different than everyone else.

I have been fighting fear my entire life and only now am I beginning to empower myself against the demons which have controlled me for so long. I can now admit that it has had a power over me unlike anything else in my life. I am trying very hard to restore my confidence in my being.

In a discussion earlier this week, I admitted that for several years (and even still, sometimes) I had a terrible fear of the water. I never learned to swim well growing up and so, as an adult, I was fearful of the water, especially open water. I would get to the race and walk off to the side and become sick with fear. I would cry. But every time I made myself get into the water. Then, through the tears and the fear, I would swim until I once again touched shore.

Though I have always battled fear...I have many times faced it head on. I've just never been able to give myself credit for those times I've been able to go toe-to-toe with it.

Is this something new to me? No, not really. But the way in which I am now looking at it is, in fact, very new.

I am facing fear. now. alone.

True, I have a tremendous network of support in my family and friends, but they cannot walk the long self-torturous path for me...I must walk it alone.

Perhaps if I begin to look at "fear" as a "fight" to "empower" myself; to "admit" I am afraid yet seek out ways to "restore" my confidence, I will begin to win over this crippling demon.

1 comment:

Amy Colquette said...

Hi Michelle I wanted to say that I to am a fearful person. The fear that I poses seems to over run the things that I would like to try, like excursing or riding a bike or swimming. I had a near death experience about 8 years ago where I almost drowned and when I say almost drowned I had to be resuscitated on the banks of the Guadalupe River. I have not yet found a way to overcome the fear that I feel but you have given me inspiration. It’s always nice to know that you are not a lone in the everyday battles that you face. My biggest fear in life is change. Change scares me to death. Change sends me into a whirl wind of panic and anxiety. I want so bad to accomplish so many things but I can never seem to bring myself to face my fear of change. Being around the T3Team is starting to give me some confidence. To the point that I have started to seriously put into consideration getting on a bike or going for a swim, but not in open waters yet. I just wanted to share my thoughts and share with you my own personal battling experiences.