Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Life - Day 2

Woke periodically throughout the night hoping that the next leg of our drive would be safe and also uneventful, hoping that I was doing the right thing, hoping the girls would travel well a second day, hoping that I will soon find a job, hoping I had prepared well enough financially to see me through to the next phase, hoping that this damn crossword puzzle will put me back to sleep because I'm exhausted!!

After we said our good-byes and got back in the car - coffee in hand - we were on our way.  My recollection of the drive is dream-like in that it seemed so surreal that this is actually happening.  Another beautiful and clear day and the girls did very well - only a couple moments of whining but that was it.  I was so thankful to have Sandra in the car with me as it did take some of the pressures of traveling away and helped me keep my mind off of all the stresses that were piling up in my head.  I could feel the stress mounting and sometimes I just wanted to explode, but the conversation kept me from breaking down. 

Have you ever driven 946 miles without music?  We did.  Not intentionally, it just happened. 

Something Sandra asked me really made me think for a moment...and I'm sure it's a question I'll ask myself on more than one occasion - "what do you hope to get out of this move?"  In part, I'd like to rebuild what I had at home - a strong network of friends, explore my community and become involved in the social scenes I enjoyed at home and maybe even try some new ones.  As I thought about my answers later, I wondered why...why start over looking for what you already have?  True, I was feeling stale and stagnate at home, tired of being the constant, longing to try something new; but I was leaving the very things I wanted.  Did I really need to move to another state to find the courage to do what I really wanted to do at home?  Perhaps. 

As excited as I was to arrive at our destination, I was more excited to simply be out of the car.  I was thrilled to have dinner and wine waiting our arrival and enjoyed every morsel and every drop.  Settling into bed that night, with my girls by my side, I fell asleep with a million questions and concerns floating around in my head hoping to make something out of nothing. 

Tomorrow is a clean slate...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

New Life - Day 1

The actual, physical Day 1 has been brought around by a culmination of days all leading to this one very defining day.  It is the day I drive away from everything I know and everything and everyone I love to try something new.  Day 1 of not talking about making changes in my life and wanting to do something different, but making it happen.

Day 1 has been made a little less scary by those who've shared their stories of change and risk, chance and hope, faith and adventure.  They give comfort to those like me who have taken great measure to avoid such things in life for the sake of safety and security.  One realization from their experiences is that there is no failure in this opportunity - the only failure is in not trying at all.  The failure would be to never let myself take the chance and then always wonder "what if?"  I began to feel that "what if?" would become my scarlet letter and to end this life with that in my heart would be too much to bear.

So here I am - Day 1. 

The "good-byes" are always the hardest, especially when you're not experienced at them.  As expected, there were an ample amount of tears and hugs, each of which I will remember always.  I know I'm not moving to another planet, nor am I moving across the globe but things happen in life, unexpected things, and sometimes you don't get another chance.  How's that for morbidity?  Let me turn it to a lighter side and say that there were also many "see you later"s as of the luxuries of moving to a city that doesn't suck is that people actually look forward to visiting.

We couldn't have asked for better driving weather - clear, sunny skies and spring-like temperatures.  My girls were calmly sitting in their travel crate, completely unaware of how long they were about to be trapped in there.  My bff, Sandra, seated next to me as my trusty navigator and instigator of this move.  Let me be fair to say that she is not the "cause" of this move, but has kindly left the door open for the past 15 years or so for me to make this happen on my own time. 

Our first day would take us to Lubbock where we would spend the night in good company with my friend, Amy.  The day went on pleasantly uneventful and the only two complaints would be the ever-gusty west Texas wind and some unpleasant odors along some of the farming and oil sections.

We made it to our destination and after some delicious vino, good conversation, and dinner we settled in for the night.  I slept well for a while, then woke from there my mind kept spinning and spinning with anxiety and anticipation.

The reality of the event has yet to sink in at this point.