Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Life, Death and Something in Between

"Tomorrow is promise to no one."

I don't know where I heard this or who I need to credit with this, but I know one thing...it is more true today than it was before this weekend.

I'm not exactly sure where to begin explaining what is bouncing off the walls of my mind. Let me throw out some words that come to mind from those 48 hours: shock, disbelief, numbness, love, sorrow, disappointment, fear, love, grief, joy, guilt.

I learned Sunday afternoon, as I was looking up marathon race results for my teammates, that one of us, Erin Lahr, had collapsed at mile 21 of the Dallas White Rock Marathon and died.

She died.

At 29.

She was an accomplished marathoner and loved to run. I didn't have the pleasure of knowing her very well, but we were friendly and even ran on the same relay team earlier this summer. She always had a smile and friendly disposition. She will be forever missed.

But not only will she be missed, she will serve as a reminder to me that there may not be a tomorrow. There might not be a "later today"...it can all be gone in an instant.

If you've read my last few posts, you know that I've already been going through some tough internal struggles and this was like ice water being thrown on your face while you're sleeping. WTF?!?!?! It confirmed what I was already thinking...time to take those walls way down.

I already had started to chip away but this made me go back for a bigger sledge hammer. I will not let my fears dictate my life any longer. I will not take for granted those who love me and I will not follow in the footsteps of those who do. I want to be a better person than that. I want the people close to me to know how important they are and how much I care for them. I want them to know that they mean something and that I will not disregard our relationships for the guilty pleasures that taunt us from time to time. I know I'm not perfect, let me not cast stones!! I know that people have reasons for their actions, I've been there...and have dealt with consequences...sometimes they were worth it, sometimes not.

A lot of emotion flowed this weekend and although I cannot go into it all here, I know that because of the actions of others and the loss of a truly wonderful person...I am a changed woman. A better woman.


erin said...

right on, michelle.

personally, if i can take anything away from this tragedy, it's teh reminder to embrace life now.

Dionn said...

amen, sister.