Woke periodically throughout the night hoping that the next leg of our drive would be safe and also uneventful, hoping that I was doing the right thing, hoping the girls would travel well a second day, hoping that I will soon find a job, hoping I had prepared well enough financially to see me through to the next phase, hoping that this damn crossword puzzle will put me back to sleep because I'm exhausted!!
After we said our good-byes and got back in the car - coffee in hand - we were on our way. My recollection of the drive is dream-like in that it seemed so surreal that this is actually happening. Another beautiful and clear day and the girls did very well - only a couple moments of whining but that was it. I was so thankful to have Sandra in the car with me as it did take some of the pressures of traveling away and helped me keep my mind off of all the stresses that were piling up in my head. I could feel the stress mounting and sometimes I just wanted to explode, but the conversation kept me from breaking down.
Have you ever driven 946 miles without music? We did. Not intentionally, it just happened.
Something Sandra asked me really made me think for a moment...and I'm sure it's a question I'll ask myself on more than one occasion - "what do you hope to get out of this move?" In part, I'd like to rebuild what I had at home - a strong network of friends, explore my community and become involved in the social scenes I enjoyed at home and maybe even try some new ones. As I thought about my answers later, I wondered why...why start over looking for what you already have? True, I was feeling stale and stagnate at home, tired of being the constant, longing to try something new; but I was leaving the very things I wanted. Did I really need to move to another state to find the courage to do what I really wanted to do at home? Perhaps.
As excited as I was to arrive at our destination, I was more excited to simply be out of the car. I was thrilled to have dinner and wine waiting our arrival and enjoyed every morsel and every drop. Settling into bed that night, with my girls by my side, I fell asleep with a million questions and concerns floating around in my head hoping to make something out of nothing.
Tomorrow is a clean slate...